Marrying for Money
Marrying for money or wealth can be traced back to the beginnings of civilization. In the ancient times, physically strong men are sought after by women for marriage simply because of two reasons. First is the very obvious one; women can depend on their brawny husbands to hunt and feed the 
family and the second reason is because in their times, hunters and warriors have better chances to be chosen to lead a clan therefore marrying one of them will assure a woman of a place in their society.
Marrying for financial and social security is being practiced since the beginning of time. It’s nothing new. “Strong” changed its meaning through the centuries but the very idea is still there. Today, “strong” men are those who have money or a good position in politics, business, or well known institutions and women still go for them.
What does it have to do with intercultural marriage? Well, a lot. See all these young women from third world countries getting married to older western guys from richer nations. Is it because of love? Most of the time, it is not. Is it right? One can only argue but this is a controversy has never been solve.
See a picture of an old western guy with a young Asian wife who both get what they expect from their relationship; the guy gets companionship and the girl gets relief from financial constraints plus she’s able to help her family back in Asia. Given that they stay faithful and nice to each other, this can be considered “picture perfect”.
But is it really?
The cultural differences between couples in intercultural marriage are difficult enough to deal with even if there is the presence of “love” so imagine one without it. It could only be a relationship without love but is toppled with expectations—such can only lead to disaster. Both persons will always feel that they are being used by the other and therefore, they will not be truly happy.
But still a lot of young women willingly do it and many older guys agree to such arrangement. For the guy, it could be because of desperation to have somebody and the fear of being alone for the rest of his life and for the girl, it could be because of poverty, obligations, and ambition. They put “love” aside or they hope that it will somehow blossom overtime.
Looking at it from the outside, one can say that this kind of relationship is doomed, shallow, or hypocritical but we know that only the person himself can defined his happiness and for the people who marry for something other than love, their happiness could be defined by the benefits of getting into such relationship. For them, it could still be “picture perfect.”
Philippines on Divorce
I know I have written about divorce in the Philippines in my other blog but I also have to write about it here specially because this blog is not only about intercultural relationships but this blog is also about married couples and marriage as a whole. Now, for those of you who don’t know yet, there is no divorce in the Philippines. Meaning Philippine citizens can only marry once until their partner died or until their marriage is annulled.
There is a huge difference between annulment and divorce but in simple words, annulment can be defined as the process of proving that a marriage is not valid. Annulment needs deeper reasons and these reasons should be proven before an annulment is granted and once it’s granted, the two persons in an annulled marriage can marry other persons. Divorce, on the other hand is a legal act to dissolve a marriage and reasons for divorce can be anything. Is there annulment in the Philippines? Yes. Is it easy to get an annulment and can any couple apply for an annulment? No and no. Why? Well for annulment, you need a “valid” reason to begin with. Is your spouse gay? Is your spouse mentally crazy and you only learned about it after the marriage? Were you too young when you got married making you “psychologically incapacitate” at the time of your marriage (or vice versa)? These are just some of the accepted reasons but I tell you, there aren’t a lot. Reasons like home violence and infidelity are not accepted as grounds for annulment. And for people who like to get out of a failed marriage, they normally can just result to separation which can end marital problems but does not stop the marriage. Meaning, separated couples are still considered by the law as “married” and therefore they cannot remarry.
What if you are married to somebody who is not Filipino? What if you married outside the Philippines? Can you get divorced? The answer is a big fat NO. You see, when you get married to a foreign person in another country, you normally register your marriage to the nearest Philippine Embassy. You need to do this specially if you need to change your name in your Passport and because Philippine Law demands that you do. Once you register your marriage to the embassy, you’ll be regarded a “married” so no matter where you are, if you are a Filipino, you are still under and you are still expected to abide by the Philippine Law. Your foreign spouse can divorce you but you can’t divorce your foreign spouse. Why? Because your foreign spouse is not bound to the Philippine Law but you are. Your non-Filipino spouse can remarry but you can’t.
Many will dispute this but I personally agree that the proposed Divorce Bill in the Philippines should be approve immediately because I believe that there is no sanctity in an oppressive marriage and for a person who is in such deserve to get out from it should be given a chance to find quality marital relationship with another person.
Just Updates
I would like to take this opportunity to thank Ruthi again for the wonderful job she did here in BizarreMarriage.com. If you haven’t yet, I advise you to read her online dating series and her article about intercultural marriage. These articles will surely entertain you and give you insights about getting in and being in an intercultural relationship. If you enjoy her articles you may read more about her here and here.
Ruthi also runs a series of blogs and I can understand that she’s busy on her blogs now so for the next few weeks, I would like to take the responsibility in contributing articles on Bizarremarriage.com. I will still ask Ruthi to write articles for this blog from time to time though because I think this blog needs her straightforwardness and humor every now and then.
Meantime, there is something I would like to do for this blog and I was thinking about it for a very long time already and this plan will be revealed in one of my next posts. This will need readers’ support and I am cooking it carefully now so I hope that you guys are staying in tune for that.
Online Dating 101: The Big Plunge
Making that big decision to take online dating seriously is a leap of faith. It is a leap of faith because you have a certain degree of hope in your heart that somehow… somewhere… someday… you will meet that special someone whom you want to spend the rest of your life with. It is a leap of faith because at the back of your mind there are uncertainties but still you somehow hope that your perseverance will eventually pay off. It is a leap of faith because despite the qualms, you have the confidence that somewhere you will finally have a positive conclusion to your future. And it is a leap of faith because there is a also a great chance that there isn’t someone there for you and what you only have is your hope and faith.
However, once you set on a sail to the ocean of great opportunities you have great prospect of catching the biggest fish. The saying… there are lots of fish in the ocean… is quite true. There are indeed lots of fish in the ocean but it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is easy. There are indeed lots of fish in the ocean but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will catch one. There are indeed lots of fish in the ocean but it doesn’t necessarily mean your work is done.
Catching the big fish in the big ocean entails a lot of hard work, patience and perseverance.
1. HARD WORK: Honestly, this is the easy part because you already did half of it. You already accepted your present predicament and that alone entails a real hard work. It makes it easy if you already made your mission statement and have a vision. But the other half of this part which is hard is dealing with your present predicament in a more drastic way. The real hard part is paddling your way to the open ocean of opportunity. The real hard part is casting your net in the ocean of uncertainties. The real hard part is playing the waiting game.
2. PATIENCE: You need it. You need lots of it. And you need it without limitations. If your middle name isn’t “Patience” you better get baptized again. Fishing is a “waiting game” and patience is literary your “bait“. Patience will keep you in the game. Patience will fuel your motor to keep sailing. Patience will give you the power to hold on to the fishing net. Without patience your hopes and fears are just that… hopes and fears.
3. PERSEVERANCE:Hard work and patience get a real backing up with perseverance. They both get a big push with perseverance on hand because hanging on gives one the benefit of the doubt for the hard work done and the profit of being patient. Online daters should be tough. Online daters should be vigilant. Online daters should have a certain degree of firmness to keep with the ocean current and tides and to be able to do that, you need perseverance.
I have been into online dating for 4 long years before I met my husband. But four long years of hard work, patience and perseverance are not long enough to consider if I have to wait for my Prince Charming for a lifetime. For four long years, I caught all kinds of fish – in all sizes, colors and shapes. For four long years, I have been in real virtual relationships that I couldn’t imagine in the real world. For four long years, I have been in and out of virtual relationships that I almost backed out and sailed back ashore. But then, I had to work harder. I was patient. And I persevered.
The big plunge isn’t about sailing. The big plunge isn’t about catching the big fish. The big plunge isn’t about taking home the big catch of the day and wait for the sun to shine. Nope. The big plunge is about you not sitting on the boat and just casting down your net or fishing pole and take all the fish the will be trapped in the net or those that will bite the bait. The big plunge is about you diving into the big ocean and swimming with the big fish and catching them by your bare hands because in reality, those fish are also there catching fishes. Yap. You are also the fish in the ocean of great opportunity. You are not just catching the fish but you are also a big fish waiting to be caught.
Four long years of playing the catching and waiting game took a toll on me. I was at the brink of giving up until I got tight grasp of the whole idea of online dating. Being a fish in the ocean I was able to learn the ocean current and tide on virtual relationships. It was tough. I met a lot of prospective partners and get an average of 2 marriage proposals in a day. But of course, those are just bait. I had a couple of real serious relationships that lasted more than 6 months with regular chat, phone calls and [broken] promises. One actually visited me in person but then reality knocked and I found out he wasn’t the big fish after all. I had my moments in the virtual world. And just like any normal relationships I had some petty quarrels to deal with… sleepless nights to get over with… feeling of depression to handle with… and at the end of the day, I have to check the clouds again for a tiny hint of silver lining.
Four long years of battling with personal disappointments on virtual relationship [yes, it is inevitable too] was monumental enough for me to give up any grain of hope left in my bucket. But just I was about to sign off and call it a day and turn off the button… a big fish caught me… and I caught him back. ©
Online Dating 101: The Age Factor
For 40-ish women seeking lifetime partner and romance online, age factor is the next big thing. There is no sense in defying age because the truth will always hunt you down. Your age has a big factor both for you as a seeker and the person you are seeking for. If you are within this age range you either are looking for a partner who are of the same age or a bit older than you are but very rare that you will be looking for partners half your age unless you are Samantha Jones of Sex in the City.
Since you already accepted the fact that you are not getting any younger, you have to realize that age factor is a vital point in goal setting. This is important because you will need it as a point of preference for seeking your match. There are 3 age categories that you have to consider.
1. Chronological – This is your “real” age. It is based on the real date of your birth (day, month and the year). Most women always lie about it. They always avoid any question leading to it. And they always deny it. This category is always abused, altered and misrepresented. Some can get away without a problem. Others are caught red-handed. And a few ones are still in the state of denial. So, when you go online, you either tell the truth or lie about your age. It’s your choice. Just remember, God is watching you.
2. Biological – This is your age based on your physical appearance. You may be familiar with the saying… you don’t look your age. Well, it maybe two things. Either you look older than your age or otherwise. If you look younger that your age, you will feel motivated and proud of yourself. You will have no problem telling someone your chronological age because you love to hear them say… “Really? You look younger! I thought you are only 26 years old”. For a 40-ish woman, this is a big thing. [I know how it feels, trust me.] But if you look older than your age, you might want to deny it. Sometimes you will feel discouraged but don’t lose hope there are lots of options you can take. Invest on your appearance. Upgrade your lifestyle and you’ll never go wrong with that.
3. Psychological – This is the age that you set your mind on. So, this is a mind-set age, so to speak. This is the age that you want to stay in forever. This is the number of candles that you constantly put in your birthday cake year after year after year. This is the age that you tell people [without guilt] when they asked how old are you and it remains constant.
Here’s the thing, when I was in the US Embassy waiting for my interview for my Fiancé Visa, I met a few women who were there for the same purpose. I met a 19-year old girl whose fiancé is a 40-something divorcee whom she doesn’t know what kind of works he does. I met a 26-year old woman whose fiancé is a 71-year old widower. I also met a 40-year old separated lady with a 9-year old daughter [who was also included in the petition] whose fiancé is a 50-year old single but with 2 kids. And I am a 42-year old [virgin] never been married and no kids whose fiancé is a 50 year old divorcee with 3 kids. The bottom line is… age may be a big factor, so you might want to consider it in your decision making process.
When you are at this age, it’s very rare that you might find the most eligible-never-been-kissed-never-been-hitched-and-never-been-screwed-up bachelors online. The guys you will meet online seeking for relationships [serious or otherwise] are either single with kid/s or divorcee [with or without kid/s] or widower [with or without kid/s]. So be prepared for the extra baggage because that is something you cannot get rid of.
When you are 40-ish woman, there is no room for being fussy. You cannot be picky because you are buying times already. And with this in mind, there is one question you need to answer with all honesty – am I ready to the BIG PLUNGE ©
