Bizarre Marriage

I got a comment in my other blog but that comment is intended for my previous entry in this blog, so I’ll address it here.

Here’s the comment:

I went to your Bizarre Marriage blog and identified so much with what you wrote. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get any of the links there to work so I’m back to Sol Latino writing about your revelations. It is really helpful to understand some of what happened but you’re absolutely right, once pagtatampo sets in, a herd of elephants could not get an angry Pinay to say anything. And I noticed that no matter what I said after that, it was taken in the wrong context, in fact, in the very worst light. As a typical male trying to solve the problem, I pushed for communication and angered her so much that I finally got a response. It was not a pleasant one. I saw my tiny, beautiful, sweet Pinay become possessed. She was harsh and rude and vicious and then hung up on me and was silent for days. Thank you for helping me understand that behavior that so puzzled me.

In my Mexican culture, we also look down on walang modo. In fact, a person can have little or no formal education, but if their social etiquette is poor, they are frowned upon. That seems to be changing now or maybe its changing with Mexican Americans who too often lack the manners which are part of our heritage. Anyway, thank you for these insights and please keep them coming.

All my Pinoy friends are gone, any chance you can get some advice on how to deal with pagtatampo .

First, let me express my apologies. This blog was acting up all weird last week and I honestly don’t know why. There must have been some problems with my web host. But anyway here’s what I have to say.

Unfortunately, I don’t have any Filipino guy friend around to ask about how they deal with their sweet pinays who are in a “tampo” mode so I’ll tell you something which is based on my own opinion. Now take note that because of individuality, this might not work with your beloved pinay.

If a Filipina is sulking then she really would like to be left alone so don’t bombard her with all your questions. If you noticed that she’s quiet, not talking, or acting cold and weird ask her one question: “What’s wrong?” If by any miracle she explains why she’s acting weird then you should thank all your saints because normally, the best answer you’ll get is “Nothing.” Now I understand that this will leave you in a very uncomfortable spot but be patient. Back in the Philippines we have a saying that goes something like “You can’t cool down a hot-headed person while being a hot-headed person yourself.” Patience is always the key. After hearing her cold answer, say something like “Alright, but I’m just here when you’re ready to talk.” After saying that, you should mean it. This is not a pass for you to have a boy’s night out—you’ll make her even madder. You let her be but stay around so she can feel that you’re really just there when she’s ready to talk. When you feel that things are easing up a little bit or she’s starting to warm up again, give her some “cariño”. I cannot exactly explain what that means but just to give you an idea… “cariño” could be a warm hug or a kiss on the forehead. You don’t have to have sex with her actually, don’t even try to have sex with her. This will only make things worse. Just be loving to her. If she cries, wipe her tears but don’t tell her to stop. Just let her cry while your arms are wrapped around her. You’ll see that after a good cry, she’ll be okay again. That would be the time to get her talk about what happened.

This is just to give you an idea on how to deal with her simple “tampo”. If it’s a major “tampo”, well that’s another story.

If by any chance you are a Filipina and you are reading this, you are welcome to add your suggestions, advices, and comments.