Written On: August 9, 2007
Being with someone who is not of my nationality and knowing couples who are of different races give me a lot of insights about intercultural marriage and relationship. The main thing I have learned about being in this situation is that one cannot simply say “it will work” or “it will not work.” It largely depends on a lot of things. For the first part of this topic, I listed below two points that you might want to consider before plunging into an intercultural marriage.
It depends on how well the other accepts being in a relationship with somebody of another nationality. This is the very first thing to consider. Is your partner OK with the idea that you are from where you are? Is she/he not ashamed to introduce you with your real background to other people? This may seem stupid but other people have this problem. Some my say “She/He is Chinese was he/she was raised in the US”.If it’s true, then it’s OK but what if it’s not? It shows that your partner is not comfortable with the idea that you are from where you are, that you are raised the way you are raised, and probably some other things about you as well.
It depends on how open the couples are to each other’s upbringing, principles, beliefs, traditions, etc. This is obvious and this should be give great notice at the start of any intercultural relationship because this may cause a lot of problems in the future. Are you sure that he is OK with the idea that you are a Buddhist? That you must go to church every Sunday? That he/she should call your parents Mama and Papa instead of your parents’ first names? That he (if you are a girl) is supposed to give a dowry to your parents before marrying you? That you don’t shave where he/she expects you to shave? I can go on and on with these little things that may seem very funny to a lot of people but are causing problems to some. So talk about your sturdy beliefs, your must-follow-traditions, your principles, and etc with your partner before the “I do” part to avoid future embarrassments, misunderstandings, quarrels, and yes… divorce.
Do you hope that things will change? Say for instance—you hope that someday you’ll convince him/her that it is not bad to shower everyday. Haha. Goodluck. Ignoring things or tolerating them for the time being will not make it work. Listen, you will be with this person for there rest of your life, if there is something you don’t want from the start you should immediately discussed it with your partner and vise versa. I should stop here.
There are still more but I will discuss the rest on the second part so ‘till then.
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