April « 2008 « Bizarre Marriage

April 15, 2008

Taming a Sulking Filipina Part 2

Filed under: About Her, Asian Women, Cultural Differences — Tags: About Her, Asian Women, culture, filipina, filipina women, traits — Vienna @ 2:09 am

If you haven’t yet, I advice you to read the first part before reading this one.

Now, let me remind you, I am not a professional psychologist or an expert when it comes to relationships. I am merely expressing my opinions based on my own observations, experiences, and from what I gather from friends who are in the same situation.

Last time, I discussed about how to tame a sulking Filipina when they are acting up all weird and cold. This time, I will suggest the only option I can think of to win her back when all else have failed. Now, let’s make things clear. This is supposing that it is your fault, that she still loves you, and that the only reason why she is turning away from you is because she’s hurt and not because she doesn’t love you anymore. Clear?

Ok, supposing you have hurt her deeply and now she’s crying non-stop, ignoring you, refusing to talk to and to see you, or she’s leaving you. You tried everything you can to make things okay between the two of you but nothing worked. Then it’s time to for a “go-between”.

Ask somebody, preferably one or both of her parents to go in between. Why? Filipinas give so much regard to their parents; they respect and listen to them. The only way you can get to her is through them. This is one good reason why you should try to create a good relationship with you in-laws. You’ll never know when you need them for help such as this.

So, talk to her parents. Explain what happened and tell them that you tried every thing in your power to make things okay but you failed and you need their help. Tell them sincerely that you love their daughter (that you’ll go to the end of the earth with her etc… you know these kind of things… just don’t over do it). They’re more likely willing to help and it is more likely that it is going to work because she is more likely going to listen to her parents. (Like I can’t use “more likely” enough).

So that’s it.

I guess everything I am saying here only works if you have a real relationship with a Filipina. If you know each other and you know each other’s background. If you just know her and she’s acting up all primadonna-ish, moody, and bitchy then leave her! The Philippines is a home of lovely girls with great characteristics but we have lovely girls with no-so-great characteristics too so before you make yourself a slave to your dream Filipina, get to know her first.

Comments (4)

April 10, 2008

Getting Married in Austria

Filed under: After the Wedding, Before the Wedding, Wedding Documents — Tags: aufenhaltstitel, austria, before getting married, before marriage, Before the Wedding, documents for getting married, getting married in Europe, post wedding documents, Wedding Documents — Vienna @ 3:11 am

Aufenhaltstitel

I got an email from a reader who wanted to ask a few questions and I decided to publish our exchange for the benefit of others who might be needing the same information.

***

Dear CJ,

Here are my answers.

Your Q : My boyfriend has asked about the requirements for getting married but he doesn’t know if I am legally allowed to stay in Austria right away after getting married there.

- Upon legally getting married there (Austria), you are automatically allowed to stay there.

Your Q : Did you enter Austria via a tourist visa?

- I entered Austria using a “Visit” visa. Sorry, but I am not sure if it is equivalent to “Tourist”. You see, processing of “Tourist” visa to enter Austria is different from processing a “Visit” visa.

- With Tourist visa, the Austrian embassy would require YOU to prove that you are financially able to stay there and that you have the intention of exiting Austria before your tourist visa expires, meaning, they will ask for documents showing that you are financially stable, i.e. bank statements, business certificate, etc (whatever they think necessary) and that you have something to go back to like a job or a property or business. They will make sure that your intention is just to “tour” Austria.

- It is slightly different with the Visit visa because this Visa says you are invited by somebody (an Austrian citizen) and that somebody is fully responsible for you. In this case, the Austrian embassy will ask the one who invited you (not you) for documents and these documents are supposed to show that he/she is financially able to support your during the entire duration of your stay in Austria. He have to show this bank statements, job contract, etc. and he also have to pay for your insurance (a little bit less than 100€ if I remember right). The only thing that the Austrian Embassy will need from you is your passport and the filled-up visa application form.

Your Q : How long was your tourist visa valid for (if that is what you had) and did you state that you intended to marry when you applied for your visa?

- The first time I went to Austria, I got a Visit visa. It took us 3 months to process all. We were too slow to gather all the necessary documents but as soon as we submitted the documents to the Austrian Embassy, it took only 2 weeks to get my visa. If you can collect the required documents in a week, it means you’ll get your visa in 3 weeks time. Anyway, the visa I got for the first time is just for 15 days and on the 15th day, I exited Austria.

- We did the whole process again for the second time. We applied for another Visit visa that will last for 30 days. My husband had to submit all the documents (some are updated dox) again but it didn’t take us too long like the first time and we didn’t have any problem getting a second one (nor the first one). The Austrian embassy granted another visa to me and they know that we have the intention to get married. With in these 30 days in Austria, we got married. After the wedding, we applied for my Aufenhastitel (like a green card). It’s not difficult and it is fast.

Your Q : Were you allowed to stay in Austria while waiting for your “Austrian green card (I forgot what you called it)” or did you have to leave?

- I exited Austria before my 30 days visit visa ended because we needed to go back to China so I cannot say for sure if Austria will kick you out when your visa expires even if you are already married to an Austrian citizen (but I don’t think so). Processing of Aufenhaltstitel normally will take 2 weeks maximum. Upon getting married, postpone the honeymoon (hehe), process your Aufenhaltstitel first.

The most effective way when applying for a visa to Austria is to be honest and transparent. Don’t apply for a student visa or a tourist visa when what you really you intend is to get married there. If you plan to stay together there without getting married right away is another story and I am sorry if I cannot give you an advice for this.

Also, let your boyfriend be the one to communicate with the Austrian embassy. It’s much easier this way. Let him ask his embassy what he needs to do so he can take you there and marry you. This is the best way. I am sure that if the Austrian embassy will see sincerity of your intentions and that you are both capable, they will not deny you of an entry to Austria.

As for you, you have some documents to prepare for the wedding (granted that your BF will be the one to arrange the visa). If you will read my blog, Bizarremarriage.com, you’ll find that there is complete explanation on what documents you’ll need and what you’ll need these documents for. Make sure that you have these documents before you enter Austria.

I’ll give you a glimpse of how long we needed until we were finally married.

Feb 2008 – we got engaged (started wedding plans)
June 2008 – my first trip to Austria (meeting his family)
October – second trip to Austria (this time, we got married)

From Feb to August (6 months) we planned for the wedding. He concentrated on my visa and I collected the required documents for the wedding (my documents). It took me a long time because I needed to get these from the Philippines.

Given that you intend to marry on your first trip in Austria, these are the sets of documents you need to prepare:

- Documents for your visa ( for the love of God, ask your BF to process this for you… in this way, you can save you more time and effort)

- Documents for your wedding ( these are YOUR documents from the Philippines)

- Documents for your wedding (these are HIS documents, he can get in Austria … I don’t think it’s a lot)

After the wedding, you can immediately apply for the Aufenhaltstitel.

About getting married in US… we’ll that’s something I cannot help you with. I don’t know if it is easier for you to get a visa and get married in Austria or get married in the US and get a visa to Austria.

Either way, you still have to go through the Austrian Embassy, you will still have to submit documents.

I hope I answered all your questions. If you have more, please read my blog… maybe the answer is there but if not, you may email me again.

Regards,
Vienna Lopez

_____________________________________________________________
Von: CJ
Gesendet: Donnerstag, 10. April 2008 11:39
An: Vienna Lopez
Betreff: Re: Bizarre Marriage

Hi there Vienna! My boyfriend and I are wanting to get married, but we also don’t want to be apart anymore after we tie the knot. So initially, we planned on me applying for a student visa to Austria to get permission to stay in there for a few years. This will then buy us time to get married and process my residency papers as his wife while staying together. But as time has passed, we are more eager to get married and the process for securing admittance to the University of Vienna is very tricky in my situation right now (since I am in the US but still a Filipino citizen). My BF has asked about the requirements for getting married but he doesn’t know if I am legally allowed to stay in Austria right away after getting married there. Did you enter Austria via a tourist visa? Can you give me a timeline of events like when and how did you apply for a marriage license, when did you arrive in Vienna, how long after that did you get married? How long was your tourist visa valid for (if that is what you had) and did you state that you intended to marry when you applied for your visa? Were you allowed to stay in Austria while waiting for your “Austrian green card (I forgot what you called it)” or did you have to leave? I have a lot of questions, I know, but I hope you can patiently give me your advice.

My BF and I are also considering getting married here in the US and then bringing me over to Austria….. but we don’t know exactly how long this will take and how long we will be apart before I can come follow him. So we are hoping that if it is possible for me to stay in Austria after we get married there, this will be the solution.

Thank you very much for responding to my message in your blog! Hope to hear from you soon!

Sincerely,
CJ
___________________________________________________________
On Wed, Apr 9, 2008 at 8:58 PM,
Vienna Lopez wrote:

Hello CJ,

Thanks for visiting my blog.

So tell me, how can I be of help?

Vienna
____________________________________________________________
Von: CJ
Gesendet: Donnerstag, 10. April 2008 08:45
An: Vienna Lopez
Betreff: Bizarre Marriage
CJ wrote:
Hi there! I sent you a comment on your blog about
requirements for getting married to a european guy. I hope we can get in touch as I am in a similar situation and would like to “follow in your footsteps” as you seem to have been successful. My name is Joy, and my Austrian boyfriend. Hope I will hear from you soon!

Comments (5)

April 7, 2008

Our Story

Filed under: Before the Wedding — Tags: love story, marriage, our story, relationship, wedding — Vienna @ 5:20 am

I have been having doubts about whether I should post our story here or not.

You see if I let the whole world (that would be like 10-20 people who read this blog…hehe) read about us, I might be giving away some very personal information that we are not comfortable letting the public know about but I thought this blog is personal and it could be about anything but it is basically about us being in an interracial marriage so before I can reach out to my readers who are interested in this topic, I feel that I should tell them our story from the very beginning so… here it is.

***

At age 23, I quit working as an import/export clerk in a garment manufacturing company in the Philippines because like most of the young people in my country, I wanted to try my luck abroad. I thought it will be hard to get a job outside the country but it was actually too easy to for me to get a teaching job here in China. I met an agent online. She promised to find a school for me and in return, I should pay her a minimal amount. I agreed and after a few weeks, she called me and informed me that a school is waiting for me. It was sometime in November 2005 when I flew to China with half empty luggage and a heart full of hopes.

Right upon my arrival here, I realized that working abroad it is not as pleasant as I imagined it to be. My agent imposed a 50% off my salary as her cut and she demanded that I leave my passport to her. Other than the money I agreed to pay her for finding me a school, she’ll get her cut every month from my salary. It was very cunning of her not to mention these to me before I left my country and it was stupid of me not to ask about such important details. See, I signed the contract when I arrived here in China and that time, I am left with two choices. Either I stomach all that is in the contract or go back home to the Philippines without anything. I chose the less humiliating option—I stayed.

A small sized school three hours away from the second class city of Changchun became my workplace for a year. Within this year, I worked hard for a minimal salary, I got sick several times because I am not used to the weather, and I met a lot of people. I even fell in love, got into a relationship, and endured the pain of breaking up. All that happened in eight months and I remember swearing to immediately fly back home as son as I get my passport.

But there were also good things that happened before my year long contract ended. I came in contact with fellow teachers who later became friends and strangers who became acquaintances. Most importantly, Marcus and I met each other.

Marcus is a young engineer who has so must zest for traveling so without any responsibility holding him in Europe, he grabbed the opportunity to travel and work in China. He arrived here during the first few months of 2006 but I didn’t meet him until August of that year. I was not about to get into another relationship but I fell in love with him and he to me. He’s the most symphathic guy I’ve met and for him, I am the sweetest girl in the whole world. He is the best thing that ever happened to me and I am to him and we were not about to let each other go so when my contract ended, I stayed. We moved in together and two months later, we got engaged. Sure, we also had some disagreements, misunderstandings, and petty quarrels but we surpass them all. Another six months later, we got married in his lovely little home town in Austria.

The villa where we got married

It’s been six months since we utter our “I dos” and it still feels like we are in our honeymoon. I know it’s very early to say that this marriage is successful (I am not sure at which point in marriage can you say that) but I know that our love for each other and the bond between us are getting stronger each day and I feel that it is going to be like this for a very long time.

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