Most of the people we know are amazed at the fact that after almost three years of being together my husband and I still act like we are a new couple. No bickering, no deadly stares, no sarcasms. We are always sweet to each other so people started to ask us how are we able to do it.
I don’t know exactly but I have a good feeling that the fact that we don’t share a toilet and bathroom has something to do with it (LOL). The flat we lived in in Changchun and the flat we are living in now have two bathrooms so we just kind of agree who’s going to use which bathroom.
We don’t have to wait turns. Nobody needs to knock at the door and beg the other person because he/she urgently needs to use the bathroom. And if we have to go somewhere else, we can prepare at the same time. This means nobody has to wait several minutes for the other person while that other person is preparing. Also, since I am confident that I am the only one using “my” bathroom, I can leave a few strands of hair on the floor when I am rushing without worrying that there will be somebody complaining. Same is with my husband. He can freely use his electric shaver without minding a few of his facial shavings being scattered around the sink. We can clean our bathrooms in our own time or we can wait for the maid to do it. Nobody is bothered. Nobody is disturbed. Everything is sunshine.
I wonder how it is going to be in Europe. We are moving there in April and the flat waiting for us has only one toilet and bathroom.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey Vienna, I’m Sam. I’m 18 and in college and I ran into your blog because i’m doing an interpersonal Research Project on Intercultural Dating and I’m using your blog as a source for my paper. I was glad that I ran into this particular website because my boyfriend of 1 year is fillipino and I thought maybe I could get some healthy advice from you…
I know that fillipinos are very family oriented for example my boyfriend’s family contact each other almost everyday even though they live in 2 different countries. To me it’s not really common but I understand that’s how his culture is, but I’ve just found myself getting really frustrated because i feel like i am often ignored when we go to family parties together…
I’m sure you know how filippino parties are.. (many distant family members, and often times there are a lot of seperate groups and of course karaoke! lol) but it seems to me that they are a little distant towards me just because of my difference in race. Idk.. I feel like i’m becoming to not like his family because they are sort of stereotype. And every other fillippino that I meet is the same way including their family.
By the way this mostly happens with females esspecially his mom which has a huge problem with me I think jus tbecause i’m not filippino..
Well my question is why are they like that and what can I do to help?
Big mistake. Really. Keep separate bathrooms. Find a better flat. It really, really matters. For a man, a bathroom is his crap-shack. For a woman, it’s her temple. These approaches are completely incompatible. I speak from experience.
@Samantha : I am sure they don’t mean to offend you. The reason I could think of why they sort of “ignore you” during gatherings is because they are not at ease with speaking in English (your language). It would help a little bit if you learn a few Tagalog phrases. Filipinos like it very much when foreigners try to speak our language. We like to listen to your twang. We may smile or laugh (when a foreigner tries to speak Tagalog) but that doesn’t mean we are laughing at the foreigner rather, we are laughing with the foreigner.
It could also help if you try to learn a few of their tradition and put it to practice when you are with them (ex. kissing the hand of the elders). I know it’s kind of weird but this would definitely feel that you are reaching out to them.
Goodluck!
@Rick : too late! we already moved in in our new flat. it’s already a week and so far, we are still doing good.
Thanks for dropping by.