Who said it’s going to be easy?

I was watching a TV program some days ago and it was about people who are in search for partners. One of the candidates is a restaurateur who is once married to a Southeast Asian woman. When the TV host asked him what ended his first marriage he said it was because his ex-wife didn’t like it in Austria and that living in Austria turned out to be contrary to what she had imagined.

Not once did I hear about something like that and it is just sad.

Being in a relationship with someone whose cultures and traditions are different from yours is already difficult and for some it could be too much to take if it is topped with the difficulties of adjusting to a new country.

Knowing my husband long enough before we moved in his country helped a lot because I didn’t have to take both at once. I’ve first gotten used to the fact that our cultures are different before I have to face adjusting to living in his country. When we moved here in Austria, I didn’t have to worry about whether we’ll get along or not because I already know that we get along well and that he is how he is wherever he is (China, Philippines, Austria) so I can focus on adjusting to living here.

Is it easy?

Well I guess it depends on what kind of person you are and what goals you have.

There are some who thinks that living in the rich countries is like living in the land of milk and honey. Normally, these are the ones who marry rich guys (or so they think). A woman of this kind will surely have the shock of her life when she arrives in her partner’s country and find out that he is, well…. not rich. I think adjusting will surely be difficult for her.

There are some who just take it all. A woman of this kind will do anything to be able to leave her country even if it means marrying somebody she doesn’t love. She is normally the one who, upon arriving to her partner’s country, will take anything—a lousy job and even an abusive husband. I think adjusting is not a question to her because she’s determined to be there.

And there are some who are like me.

I am here because I am in love. That can’t be cornier than it is already but it’s true. I know I can live anywhere just as long as I am with my husband. He is my home.

And because we decided that is it best for us to settle in Austria, I want to have a normal life here. Learning the language and the way of living here could be stressful for people like me who take it seriously. I want to know the city, to get along with people, to get a decent job, to have some friends, to be able to function well in the society, and to be a responsible resident (that is not to say that I’ll forget about being a Filipino, no no). I just want to be able to integrate and to feel comfortable living here. It is not easy specially the “getting a decent job” part. Failure of getting the jobs I want pulled me emotionally down at some point and there were some days I cried. On such days, my husband would lovingly pull me to lay close beside him on our tiny couch and would wipe my tears while reminding me that I have plenty of time so I don’t need to put pressure on myself, that there’s no pressure from him about me getting a job, that he’s always there and that everything will be alright.

I realized that I am not the only one who’s going through a difficult time. My husband took it upon himself to make me feel happy here and I can tell that whenever I am feeling sad, he feels twice as sad. So whenever I start to pity myself, I think of him and all the things he needs to do for me like sending me to language schools, sending me to a driving school, accompanying me to appointments, driving me to places, ordering in restaurants for me, translating what was said to me, teaching me and showing me things new to me, etc. It is pretty much like raising a helpless baby. And not once did he complain about doing all these.

Life would have been a little less hard if we were of the same nationality and were living in “our” country but it is not like that and that is why marriages like ours are special because there are things like “integration” that we have to think about and for such, we have to exert some extra effort.

So is it difficult adjusting to living in his country?

For me, it was but I am now doing well because I was not in it alone. My husband was there too.

Tagged as: austria, integration, intercultural marriage, marriage, work