In our culture, it is a common practice that it is the wife who manages the family income. Every payday, the husband would hand over his pay envelope, containing his complete salary, to his wife. The wife will then give her husband an “allowance” and budget the rest of the money for household expenses. That is something understood and accepted between Filipino couples.
Now, what prompted me to write this entry is a friend who asked me if her non-Filipino partner will hand over his complete salary to her when they move in together. I think it is very naïve of her to expect that from her foreign partner, but being a Filipina myself, who had been exposed to the practice mentioned above, I understand her.
I am not sure about every Filipina who is in an interracial marriage, but in my case and in the case of all the Filipinas I personally know, tell me that they don’t apply this practice with their western partners and here are the reasons why:
1. A non-Filipino husband, if he is from a first world country, simply CAN’T give his Filipina wife his full salary because not even him can hold his full salary. What I mean by this is; first world nations are almost what we call “cash-less societies.” That means; they get their salary directly deposited in their bank accounts and not in envelopes containing cash. And as soon as the money is in his bank account, all sorts of insurances, bills, and subscription and membership fees will automatically be paid from the bank account.
2. Online banking and other bank transactions are just too complicated for the Filipina wives to understand specially if they can’t speak their husbands’ language yet. Try opening an online bank or filling up a bank form which is not in English? Not a piece of cake, right?
3. There is no point of keeping cash at home when you can pay just about everything using an ATM card, debit card, or credit card.
Now before you think that Filipinas married to western guys are being too submissive for letting their men handle the money, let me further explain some things.
In every culture, men are expected to provide for their families and men in interracial marriages are not exempted from this. They do provide and they do give their wives the right to manage the household income, but since most of the bills are automatically taken cared of, their wives have less to think about.
Some Filipinas married to foreigners ask their husband for a certain amount every month for household related expenses and for their personal allowance (if they are not working) but they don’t demand every penny to be handed over to them.
Expecting your foreign husband to hand over his complete salary to you is just unfair to him and overly demanding of you. An interracial marriage is all about meeting each other halfway and that is also applicable in this particular matter. If your foreign partner gives you his salary, will you be able to manage everything—pay the bills, do the grocery, etc? Will you be responsible with it? What if your partner is not okay with the idea of handling over his salary to you? Demanding him to do so can lead to a lot at arguments but asking him to be transparent about his salary (which is in sense, your family money) is understandable. In this way, both know where the family money goes, both have a say, both have control over the family income. And if you are a working wife, you should also be transparent about your salary to him.
You don’t have to be in charge of your husband’s salary and vice versa. As the cliché goes, “In every marriage, there no “yours” or “mine.” There’s only “ours”.” I think, in every marriage, the task of managing the family income is better shared between husband and wife.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Mars, so true! Tell your friend na wag cya mag ask sa partner nya, hayaang nyang ang partner nya ang mag initiate. And if bago pa lng cla mag sasama, sana wag nya muna isipin un mga ganung bagay kasi yung situation mismo magdadala sa knila dun in the future. Priority nya muna ang pag adjust sa bago nilang situation. diba Mars? xxx
interesting post. my husband and i are both pinoys and our income directly goes into the bank account.. walang cash. so i don’t manage our finances… we do it together.
Hi I never heard about that before, I’m Irish and I remember my Grandma telling me stories about when my Grandfather was working he used to give my Grandma his wages each week and she used to manage all the bills buy the groceries etc. This was at a time when women weren’t allowed to work. So I’m just curious do filipino men still give their wives all their wages even when the wife has a job? or is this trend dying out like it has in Ireland?
@sarah, I think a lot of filipino men still feel oblige to do so but many filipino men who are more modern and are more exposed to western culture don’t follow this tradition anymore.
@chetz, ganyan na talaga ngayon at sa aking opinion, ganyan talaga ang dapat.
thanks for dropping by.
@lamielle, agree ako mars.
i still believe in our culture that husband should give his earnings to her wife. I myself having a hard talk with my husband about remitting his salary to me in the sense that I am in no control of spending money. He doesn’t want me to ask him about the rest of his income. We have two sons, we agreed that he is responsible for the needs of our 1st son and I am responsible for the needs of the 2nd. Is it unfair to me as a wife that i should share half in everything that we spend for our kids?