While my husband and I were in the car driving somewhere last weekend, we’ve been randomly talking about things and people we both know. I don’t like to go into too much details but our topic was European-Asian relationships. At some point, I asked him why he does not like to hang out with a certain European-Asian couple and here’s what he said.
Look, I don’t want to be in a league with guys who are married to Asians because they can’t get a decent European woman. I am not like that and I don’t like to be compared to them or to be associated with them in any way. I am married to a Filipina for the very honest reason that I fell in love with you, and not because I am a loser and can’t find a decent European woman.
That is of course very sweet of him but at the same time, harsh. Harsh not to me but to the couple we’ve been talking about (even if they were not there). But I understand where my husband is coming from. You see, some people can be really judgmental that they immediately think that there’s something wrong with a European guy married to a woman from a third world country. Things like…he’s probably just plain ugly, incredibly fat, awfully missing some teeth, too old and balding. Or if it’s not about his looks, it could be because of something else; he’s probably an alcoholic, a psychologically troubled person, a pervert, or a complete asshole that no European women can stand him. Things like that (and a lot more) are immediately linked to guys married to women from third world nations.
Now, can we blame these people when 90% of intercultural marriages fall exactly in their boxes?
I don’t know but here’s my personal take on this. If people look at us without cynicism, they’ll immediately see that my husband and I look, talk, think, and behave in a completely normal way. Without cynicism, they can immediately tell that we are together because of the most honest reason. But there will be always people who are judgmental and they can be really annoying sometimes but I don’t let them get to me and that is also what I tell my husband and friends who are in intercultural relationships.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I agree. In my case, my hubby found me because of only one reason… he wanted to have a real lasting relationship. In his mind, a Filipina wife is someone who is willing to grow out with you. Well, he is not like the rest of course.
@ miss ruthi, maybe you should write about that in here
just missing your posts, cheers!
What a sweet statement.
You know what’s one thing I really dislike. And in my opinion, so demeaning sa mga Filipina? Have you ever seen those Google Ads that says something like “Filipina Wife/Fiance” and has pictures Pinay in Swimwear!? Good post, Myla!