I usually cook for myself during the day. It’s my time to enjoy Filipino food that my husband dares not touch. It’s my time to cook some thing without worrying if the smell will bother anyone. Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that Filipino food stinks. Being a Filipino, the smell of fish paste does not bother me, but it just smells different for my husband’s foreign nose.

And before you think that I am consenting my husband’s somewhat hostile attitude towards Filipino food, let me explain.

Forcing or tricking somebody to eat what you eat because you think it tastes great is just ignorant and rude. If a person is refusing to eat a certain food, there must be a reason why. It could be because of religion, culture, or simply because the person does not like the smell, the look, or what’s in it. It could be because of the way he/she was brought up to see what’s a food supposed to be. For example, in Europe it’s unthinkable to eat a meat dish with bones in it. They could eat a steak or any piece of meat with one big bone but that’s it—no chopped poultry with tiny bones just like what we put in chicken adobo. They can eat friend chicken drumsticks and chicken wings, but I think that’s the farthest they can go with bones. They also don’t eat fish heads. Most households won’t serve a fish dish with the fish head. Normally, fish are fillet before they’re cooked and serve. For many Austrians, it’s just weird to eat something that is looking back at you. There are more food that are considered delectable by Filipinos but are considered unthinkable and even disgusting by Austrians, and I don’t like to go into that now.

All I want to say is that, you can offer a food to a person, if he/she refuses then show respect and don’t force the person to eat it.

I don’t force my husband to eat Filipino food he does not like, the same way he does not force me to eat any foreign food I don’t like.

Austrian Bretteljause

Buttered Crab with Rice

My husband is not a food snob; he actually likes a number of Filipino food like rice cakes, tapang bangus, tocino, beef tapa, longonisa, bibingka, tupig (almost all food with coconut in it), pininyahang manok (without bones), buttered shrimps, banana-cue, camote-cue, dried pusit, and a lot more. He also does not have a problem with fish. He can eat fish and other seafood with his hand. He specially likes them when they’re just salted and barbecued. BUT balut and all food with animal insides in them disgust him.

And I can eat just about anything. Here in Europe, it’s difficult to find a food I can snob. They have really good dishes here that are not only delicious but are, most of the time, presented so nicely as well.

In our culture, it is a common practice that it is the wife who manages the family income. Every payday, the husband would hand over his pay envelope, containing his complete salary, to his wife. The wife will then give her husband an “allowance” and budget the rest of the money for household expenses.  That is something understood and accepted between Filipino couples.

Now, what prompted me to write this entry is a friend who asked me if her non-Filipino partner will hand over his complete salary to her when they move in together. I think it is very naïve of her to expect that from her foreign partner, but being a Filipina myself, who had been exposed to the practice mentioned above, I understand her.

I am not sure about every Filipina who is in an interracial marriage, but in my case and in the case of all the Filipinas I personally know, tell me that they don’t apply this practice with their western partners and here are the reasons why:

1.     A non-Filipino husband, if he is from a first world country, simply CAN’T give his Filipina wife his full salary because not even him can hold his full salary. What I mean by this is; first world nations are almost what we call “cash-less societies.” That means; they get their salary directly deposited in their bank accounts and not in envelopes containing cash. And as soon as the money is in his bank account, all sorts of insurances, bills, and subscription and membership fees will automatically be paid from the bank account.

2.     Online banking and other bank transactions are just too complicated for the Filipina wives to understand specially if they can’t speak their husbands’ language yet. Try opening an online bank or filling up a bank form which is not in English? Not a piece of cake, right?

3.     There is no point of keeping cash at home when you can pay just about everything using an ATM card, debit card, or credit card.

Now before you think that Filipinas married to western guys are being too submissive for letting their men handle the money, let me further explain some things.

In every culture, men are expected to provide for their families and men in interracial marriages are not exempted from this. They do provide and they do give their wives the right to manage the household income, but since most of the bills are automatically taken cared of, their wives have less to think about.

Some Filipinas married to foreigners ask their husband for a certain amount every month for household related expenses and for their personal allowance (if they are not working) but they don’t demand every penny to be handed over to them.

Expecting your foreign husband to hand over his complete salary to you is just unfair to him and overly demanding of you. An interracial marriage is all about meeting each other halfway and that is also applicable in this particular matter. If your foreign partner gives you his salary, will you be able to manage everything—pay the bills, do the grocery, etc? Will you be responsible with it? What if your partner is not okay with the idea of handling over his salary to you? Demanding him to do so can lead to a lot at arguments but asking him to be transparent about his salary (which is in sense, your family money) is understandable. In this way, both know where the family money goes, both have a say, both have control over the family income. And if you are a working wife, you should also be transparent about your salary to him.

You don’t have to be in charge of your husband’s salary and vice versa. As the cliché goes, “In every marriage, there no “yours” or “mine.” There’s only “ours”.”  I think, in every marriage, the task of managing the family income is better shared between husband and wife.



When I got married to my “Mr. Right”, I know, but not exactly sure, what is waiting for me in his country. Since hubby lives, works, and comes from Germany, I have to be with him. As the song says and I quote; “I’d do anything in the name of love”.

In most of interracial marriages, wives usually migrate to where their husbands live or bound to go. It happens to most friends I know and this does not exclude me. I have to live in a foreign land, start a new family, maybe find a new job (with crossed-fingers), and meet new friends. I do not have any problems with adjusting in a new country but we are from way too different continents that our cultures are extremely different. But up until now, our cultural issues are still bearable for me and I hope it will continue to be so. Let me tell you some for instance. In the Philippines, we use many terms to show respect to older people. When I met my hubby’s family, the grandparents and parents told me that I could just call them with their names. How can I do that? Have you ever called your mother-in-law just with her first name? It sounds strange, yeah? So I insist calling them mom, dad, oma and opa. And just to share to everybody, I am really lucky with my in laws so far.

The other example is about my hubby’s ex-girlfriend. I was hesitant of sharing this thinking that hubby might read this article and would not like it. Anyway, might as well share it so here it is.

The first thing I do every time I reached home from a day out is to check our phone calls. When I saw that hubby’s ex-girlfriend called, I was idealess as to why she’d do that and I was maybe a bit jealous too (big evil grin). My hubby told me that night that his ex-girlfriend wants to rent his other apartment. Well, it was nice of my hubby to tell the ex-gf that he will ask my opinion about it first and we will decide together. Of course, I never like the idea that his ex will be renting the other apartment though for my hubby, it was fine. He does not have any problem about it, I do! I trust him but never will his ex be allowed to rent one of my husband’s apartment.

It’s nice when divorced parents still have good relationship with each other or when they still talk and are good friends. That’s one good thing I have observed here. However, I could not accept this thing with my hubby and his ex. They were not couples anyway that got a divorce.LOL! Was it her way of getting my attention? She definitely knows that we just got married. Anyway, it was difficult for my hubby to say no to her but then, he figured out how to do it by just telling her this;  “If you were my wife now, what would you feel about it?”

As you might have noticed, I changed the theme of this blog. I’ve been using the old one for about a year and a half and I thought that this blog could use a face lift. The project of installing a new theme entailed digging in to our wedding pictures. I needed to look for photos I can use for the rotating images on the sidebar.  While doing so, I couldn’t help but walk along the memory lane and mull over  everything that happened on that special day. After looking at our wedding pictures, I listened to our wedding song and I thought of sharing it with you.

It is in German. Back then, I didn’t really understand it but I fell in love with the melody right away. After listening to the translation from my, then, fiancé, I thought it fits to what we feel for each other. We both like the song and the lyrics so we sort of had an understanding that this song will be “our song”.

It was played on our wedding day right after the “you may kiss the bride” moment.

Two years later, I can understand the song perfectly and although there are a lot of translations on the internet, I made my own. The words might sound silly and awkward in the English translation (because we don’t say things like that in English) but trust me, they’re wonderful in German.

DAS BESTE by Silbermond

I am married to an Austrian for almost two years but I haven’t really realized the difference in the cuisine until now. Before we moved to Austria a couple of weeks ago, we have been living in as expats in China. China and Philippines have a lot of differences but I am quite glad of one thing—citizens of both countries consider rice as a very important part of every meal.

Being married to a European means eating less rice and while it was a big adjustment for me in the beginning, it was sort of okay because we were living in China. I can get rice anywhere and I can get it cheap.

Now that we are in Austria, things are a lot different and among those things is how rice is treated in this country. I knew already that people here don’t eat rice with every meal but I didn’t know that rice is being expensively priced. I was really shocked when we did our food shopping for the first time here.

In the Philippines and in China, we can buy rice in sacks (50kls/sack). Here…to my amusement—we buy rice in tiny boxes! If it were in Asia, this one box will not be enough to feed a family for even a day!

Also, they don’t have that many choices. I can count the kind of rice they sell in a regular store with my fingers. It is also kind of weird how they appreciate the kind of rice grains that don’t stick to each other than the ones that do. That tells me that when it comes to rice, they simply don’t know what’s good.

Considering the rice prices and the kind of rice they sell here, I’d say, I won’t be eating that much rice from now on.

I was once asked what difficulties I encounter being in an intercultural marriage and I thought not much because my husband and I talked about almost all of the important things from the start. It was not enough to say that we love each other. It was also important to make some things clear.

Money, religion, customs, previous relationships, ambitions, expectations, and future plans are some of the important things you need to discuss from the start. That may sound like you’re about to go on a business deal but of course I don’t mean it that way. When I say “talk about these things”, I didn’t mean that you do it in one sitting or in a few hours of chatting over the internet. I believe that a relatively long engagement is needed. It will help both parties to learn about each other more.

I do believe in online relationships but such can only be successful if you meet your partner face to face and if you spend time with each other. Chatting and exchanging emails strip a lot of important things that happens in an authentic face to face conversation. Facial expressions, tones of voice, eye contact, and other things that help you judge and understand better what the other person is “really” saying. So until you meet your partner face to face, don’t decide or commit yourself just yet.

Marrying for money or wealth can be traced back to the beginnings of civilization. In the ancient times, physically strong men are sought after by women for marriage simply because of two reasons. First is the very obvious one; women can depend on their brawny husbands to hunt and feed the family and the second reason is because in their times, hunters and warriors have better chances to be chosen to lead a clan therefore marrying one of them will assure a woman of a place in their society.

Marrying for financial and social security is being practiced since the beginning of time. It’s nothing new. “Strong” changed its meaning through the centuries but the very idea is still there. Today,  “strong” men are those who have money or a good position in politics, business, or well known institutions and women still go for them.

What does it have to do with intercultural marriage? Well, a lot. See all these young women from third world countries getting married to older western guys from richer nations. Is it because of love? Most of the time, it is not. Is it right? One can only argue but this is a controversy has never been solve.

See a picture of an old western guy with a young Asian wife who both get what they expect from their relationship; the guy gets companionship and the girl gets relief from financial constraints plus she’s able to help her family back in Asia. Given that they stay faithful and nice to each other, this can be considered “picture perfect”.

But is it really?

The cultural differences between couples in intercultural marriage are difficult enough to deal with even if there is the presence of “love” so imagine one without it. It could only be a relationship without love but is toppled with expectations—such can only lead to disaster. Both persons will always feel that they are being used by the other and therefore, they will not be truly happy.

But still a lot of young women willingly do it and many older guys agree to such arrangement. For the guy, it could be because of desperation to have somebody and the fear of being alone for the rest of his life and for the girl, it could be because of poverty, obligations, and ambition. They put “love” aside or they hope that it will somehow blossom overtime.

Looking at it from the outside, one can say that this kind of relationship is doomed, shallow, or hypocritical but we know that only the person himself can defined his happiness and for the people who marry for something other than love, their happiness could be defined by the benefits of getting into such relationship. For them, it could still be “picture perfect.”

I know I have written about divorce in the Philippines in my other blog but I also have to write about it here specially because this blog is not only about intercultural relationships but this blog is also about married couples and marriage as a whole. Now, for those of you who don’t know yet, there is no divorce in the Philippines. Meaning Philippine citizens can only marry once until their partner dies or until their marriage is annulled.

There is a huge difference between annulment and divorce but in simple words, annulment can be defined as the process of proving that a marriage is not valid. Annulment needs deeper reasons and these reasons should be proven before an annulment is granted and once it’s granted, the two persons in an annulled marriage can marry other persons. Divorce, on the other hand is a legal act to dissolve a marriage and reasons for divorce can be anything. Is there annulment in the Philippines? Yes. Is it easy to get an annulment and can any couple apply for an annulment? No and no. Why? Well for annulment, you need a “valid” reason to begin with. Is your spouse gay? Is your spouse mentally crazy and you only learned about it after the marriage? Were you too young when you got married making you “psychologically incapacitate” at the time of your marriage (or vice versa)? These are just some of the accepted reasons but I tell you, there aren’t a lot. Reasons like home violence and infidelity are not accepted as grounds for annulment. And for people who like to get out of a failed marriage, they normally can just result to separation which can end marital problems but does not stop the marriage. Meaning, separated couples are still considered by the law as “married” and therefore they cannot remarry.

What if you are married to somebody who is not Filipino? What if you married outside the Philippines? Can you get divorced? The answer is a big fat NO. You see, when you get married to a foreign person in another country, you normally register your marriage to the nearest Philippine Embassy. You need to do this specially if you need to change your name in your Passport and because Philippine Law demands that you do. Once you register your marriage to the embassy, you’ll be regarded as “married” so no matter where you are, if you are a Filipino, you are still under and you are still expected to abide by the Philippine Law. Your foreign spouse can divorce you but you can’t divorce your foreign spouse. Why? Because your foreign spouse is not bound to the Philippine Law but you are. Your non-Filipino spouse can remarry but you can’t.

Many will dispute this but I personally agree that the proposed Divorce Bill in the Philippines should be approve immediately because I believe that there is no sanctity in an oppressive marriage and for a person who is in such deserve to get out from it should be given a chance to find quality marital relationship with another person.

For 40-ish women seeking lifetime partner and romance online, age factor is the next big thing. There is no sense in defying age because the truth will always hunt you down. Your age has a big factor both for you as a seeker and the person you are seeking for. If you are within this age range you either are looking for a partner who are of the same age or a bit older than you are but very rare that you will be looking for partners half your age unless you are Samantha Jones of Sex in the City.

Since you already accepted the fact that you are not getting any younger, you have to realize that age factor is a vital point in goal setting. This is important because you will need it as a point of preference for seeking your match. There are 3 age categories that you have to consider.

1. Chronological – This is your “real” age. It is based on the real date of your birth (day, month and the year). Most women always lie about it. They always avoid any question leading to it. And they always deny it. This category is always abused, altered and misrepresented. Some can get away without a problem. Others are caught red-handed. And a few ones are still in the state of denial. So, when you go online, you either tell the truth or lie about your age. It’s your choice. Just remember, God is watching you.

2. Biological – This is your age based on your physical appearance. You may be familiar with the saying… you don’t look your age. Well, it maybe two things. Either you look older than your age or otherwise. If you look younger that your age, you will feel motivated and proud of yourself. You will have no problem telling someone your chronological age because you love to hear them say… “Really? You look younger! I thought you are only 26 years old”. For a 40-ish woman, this is a big thing. [I know how it feels, trust me.] But if you look older than your age, you might want to deny it. Sometimes you will feel discouraged but don’t lose hope there are lots of options you can take. Invest on your appearance. Upgrade your lifestyle and you’ll never go wrong with that.

3. Psychological – This is the age that you set your mind on. So, this is a mind-set age, so to speak. This is the age that you want to stay in forever. This is the number of candles that you constantly put in your birthday cake year after year after year. This is the age that you tell people [without guilt] when they asked how old are you and it remains constant.

Here’s the thing, when I was in the US Embassy waiting for my interview for my Fiancé Visa, I met a few women who were there for the same purpose. I met a 19-year old girl whose fiancé is a 40-something divorcee whom she doesn’t know what kind of works he does. I met a 26-year old woman whose fiancé is a 71-year old widower. I also met a 40-year old separated lady with a 9-year old daughter [who was also included in the petition] whose fiancé is a 50-year old single but with 2 kids. And I am a 42-year old [virgin] never been married and no kids whose fiancé is a 50 year old divorcee with 3 kids. The bottom line is… age may be a big factor, so you might want to consider it in your decision making process.

When you are at this age, it’s very rare that you might find the most eligible-never-been-kissed-never-been-hitched-and-never-been-screwed-up bachelors online. The guys you will meet online seeking for relationships [serious or otherwise] are either single with kid/s or divorcee [with or without kid/s] or widower [with or without kid/s]. So be prepared for the extra baggage because that is something you cannot get rid of.

When you are 40-ish woman, there is no room for being fussy. You cannot be picky because you are buying times already. And with this in mind, there is one question you need to answer with all honesty – am I ready for THE BIG PLUNGE ©

Finally, you have accepted the fact that you need someone to make your life complete. You accepted the reality that you need someone to grow old with. And you accepted the truth that you are not getting any younger. The next step to do now is… to set a mission. Draw a personal mission statement that will fuel your personal undertaking with burning desire.

Yes, you have to psyche yourself up that you are ready to dig in. Set a goal. Have a clear objective of what you want to do. Draw your personal aspiration. Present your mission statement with solid conviction. Come up with a hard rationale why you want to go on online dating. And find a firm motivation to make you decisive.

When you have decided that you want to invest on a cyber relationship, you already have an idea on how your fairytale will achieve the happy-ever-after. Of course, we all want that happy ending. We all want our relationship to last forever. We all want the till-death-do-us-part become a reality. But relationship is a hard work. So you better set that goal. What do you want in a relationship? What can you sacrifice for a relationship? How do you sustain a relationship? Like any relationship, we always look for the positives. But we should also consider the fact that there are always two sides of the coin.

Wanting a relationship means you know the difference between wants and needs. Are you looking for love because you want it or you need it? Because eventually you may be asked – Do you want me because you need me or you need me because you want me? You have to be ready to answer that question and justify your answer. Notice that I have not mentioned the magic word – LOVE, yet. Because love is the aftermath of all the troubles that you will go through… if and when you will get lucky. Please note that not all will be successful in finding one-true-love in Online Dating. Online Dating is only one of the options.

In any relationship, love should be one’s goal. But in reality, I know this is not all so true. There are people who are seeking “love” [the most abused word in the dictionary] for personal convenience and there are lots of those in Online Dating. And everybody who engaged in this dating business is aware of that. There is nothing wrong if you are looking for love because you are afraid to grow old alone, you just wanted a future. There is nothing wrong if you are looking for love because you need someone to pay your bills, you are just being practical. There is nothing wrong if you are looking for love because you want to go abroad, you just want to fulfill your dream. There is nothing wrong if you need a father/mother for your kids, you just need someone to lean on. Whatever your reason is, it could be considered a shallow “mission” just yet. But that could be the start. What is wrong is, taking advantage of that person you found online, using him/her and damping him/her once you get what you want. You will be surprised that there are lots of people with the same agenda as yours. But still there is really such a thing as “love in cyber-nation”. Just be honest with your purpose. You don’t have to say it bluntly and right away the first meeting or you will shoo that person right away.

My hubby was already engaged to be married to another Pinay [annulled with two kids] when I met him online. He told me that very first meeting that his Filipina girlfriend just died and he was lonely and he wanted to meet someone again. He was so honest from the very first time. I told him too that I was in a relationship that time and that my French boyfriend who supposed to come to the Philippines to meet me turned out to be a liar. So I was honest too. Eventually, we became closer by just being friends at first. Me – giving him advise and consoling him from his loneliness and him – making me feel important, needed and wanted… we end up liking each other. And the rest is history.

“True love” is a reality. There are people who found it. There are people who are living it. There are people who are enjoying it. Two people can find true love and whatever selfish reason one may have will be erased by the magic of love or rather, one’s pure intention will be blessed with a real happy-ever-after. And this – should be your VISION. ©