It’s been five months since I last updated this blog. That’s a matter of fact and it makes me feel quite ashamed. This blog is, without a doubt, the most beneficial blog I have. Not only to me but also to a few who find themselves reading my blogs (whether they are regular readers or just leads from google search engine).

Compared to my other blogs, the topics I discuss here have more sense. Some old entries are even helpful to others. So I should really give this blog the attention it deserves. I actually want to do that ever since I started it but somehow, I am finding it more and more difficult to create posts for this blog. That is because I am sort of pressured to write something “sensible”, something with real “content”.

So I decide to lift that pressure. From now on, I will just write anything about my opinion on relationships and marriage in general (not just intercultural marriage). I promise to put more attention to this blog. Posts, be it helpful to others or not, be it personal or not, will come more often. Not everyday, but definitely not every five months.

In my desire to go back to blogging, I am trying to update all my blogs. This blog is especially dear to me so it will be one of the blogs that I will work on first. Before I went to hiatus, I had tried to maintain the activity of this blog. I had planned to write entries and schedule them equally throughout the time that I won’t be able to write. Sadly, I was immediately caught up with other things that hindered me to fulfill that.  I also asked my friend Lamielle to spice up this blog by sharing some of her experience in intercultural marriage. She did try but quite understandably, she got busy too. She’s a very active woman—yoga classes, German classes, her pregnancy, preparing for her baby, and some other things occupied her that even her own blog got short of posts at some point.

But since I decided to do blogging fulltime, things will definitely change.  The Open Letters to Hubby will continue and will be more regular than before.  In addition to that, a new contributor will also help me bring back life to this blog.

Maridel is a friend and a teacher I met in China. We taught in different schools but we had the same agent.  She doesn’t own a blog that I can link to yet so you’ll have to wait for her posts here in Bizarre Marriage to get to know her.  That’ll probably take a couple of days so, for your curiosity’s sake; I am going to tell you a bit more about her.

Maridel is from the Philippines. I invited her to write for this blog because she also has first-hand experience on intercultural marriage and relationship. She just got married to her long term fiancé, a German guy, so I supposed everything she went through to be finally together with the love of her life is still quite fresh and this is what I asked her to share to us.

Like is said, this blog is dear to me because I got to know people through this blog who later became real good friends of mine so I will really work on this blog from now on and I will take all the help I can to make this blog better.

I am so glad that my summer break is finally here. I can relax a little bit and focus on the things that entertain me like reading and writing. In these six weeks, I also like to cultivate my new-found interest in gardening but perhaps, I should postpone that until next year because my husband and I agreed to finish the house’s interior first before we beautify our small garden. I am not complaining at all as there are other things that could easily occupy me like blogging, taking photos, and facebooking.

My husband told me that I spend so much time in front of the computer and I know that I can really be so excessive with it sometimes but I hope that he can see the positive side of it. When I am in front of my laptop, I am not spending money (haha!) and he knows that when I go out, I spend money and I spend A LOT.

I really want to get in to blogging again like in 2007 and 2008. I want to be earning from my blogs again so I really want to build them up now. I feel sorry that I am taking so much time from our “supposedly” quality time with each other and spending it on my online activities but I badly want to work as much as I can on my blogs. In September, I’ll be going back to teaching and that means, I’ll be very busy again. I will also be studying this coming semester so I am not sure how much time I could spend on this particular hobby. Probably zero.

So now, I want to prepare my blogs for the time that I can’t tend to them. For this blog, my friend Lamielle will help me out. I know she’s got a lot of things to say about intercultural marriages because she’s in one. She’s a busy bee because she’s taking a lot of classes like yoga and German, and on top of those things, she’s pregnant but she said she’d be able to put up a post or two for this site. I think that would be nice.

And for the other blogs, I have to manage them all by myself. I plan to create posts and just schedule their publishing dates.  I hope I can do that before September. For now, let’s look forward to Lamielle’s posts on this blog.

As you might have noticed, I changed the theme of this blog. I’ve been using the old one for about a year and a half and I thought that this blog could use a face lift. The project of installing a new theme entailed digging in to our wedding pictures. I needed to look for photos I can use for the rotating images on the sidebar.  While doing so, I couldn’t help but walk along the memory lane and mull over  everything that happened on that special day. After looking at our wedding pictures, I listened to our wedding song and I thought of sharing it with you.

It is in German. Back then, I didn’t really understand it but I fell in love with the melody right away. After listening to the translation from my, then, fiancé, I thought it fits to what we feel for each other. We both like the song and the lyrics so we sort of had an understanding that this song will be “our song”.

It was played on our wedding day right after the “you may kiss the bride” moment.

Two years later, I can understand the song perfectly and although there are a lot of translations on the internet, I made my own. The words might sound silly and awkward in the English translation (because we don’t say things like that in English) but trust me, they’re wonderful in German.

DAS BESTE by Silbermond

I think it is a common thing that when one learns a foreign language, he eventually loses his proficiency in his own language or in any language he learned earlier.

This is what I am experiencing right now.

Basically, I can speak three Philippine dialects, and two languages (Filipino and English). I also learned a little bit of Chinese.

In my pursuit to learn German, I think the biggest consequence is that I am losing what little English skills I have. I wouldn’t mind losing my skills in those Philippine dialects because I honestly don’t find any significant or life changing use of them.

But with English, it is different.

Like many citizens of the Philippines, I learned English as a second language and for me it is a continuous learning process. I say that it is a continuous learning process because I’ve never felt that I’ve achieved the English proficiency of a native speaker. And though I am not aiming to adopt an English native speaker’s twang and accent, I want to be able to use English (written and spoken) with the same ease as that of a native speaker.

And so there goes my problem. Right now, I don’t use English too often and although I try to hold on to it by reading and rereading books and blogs that are written in English, I still feel like my English is degrading. Not only that but much to my dismay, I also somehow successfully able to adopt the kind of English they speak here. That means that when I am speaking in English, I now have those awkward rising and falling tones that are unevenly spread all throughout my sentences. Normally, these tones sound wonderfully melodious when used in an Austrian dialect but these tones definitely sound absurd when used in English.

The only person I talk to in English right now is my husband. Slowly, we are trying to speak to each other in German (this is in our effort to improve my German skills). Hopefully we don’t get use to speaking in German to each other that much so there’s still room for English because I sure don’t like to lose my skills in English. I know it will always come in handy especially since we really like to raise our future kid/s as English/German bilingual.

This week’s post is totally different from the regular posts you normally read here and that is because it is from our guest writer, Kate Yu. I suppose her honest and figurative tone definitely gives an interesting color to this blog.

Kate is a talented young writer who is currently teaching in China while pursuing a career in writing. Her blog, Live Out of the Box, showcases not only her opinions and advices on traveling, teaching, personal development, and other things but also her writing prowess. I met her through her blog and I have to say that I was, and still am, impressed by her works. When I learned that she writes guest posts, I didn’t hesitate to ask her to make one for Bizarre Marriage even if I know that she’s not in an intercultural relationship because I believe that an opinion from her, a nonconformist outsider, is still worth reading.

***

I saw her grinding the dance floor with a man old enough to be in her grandfather. She could’ve been fourteen but it was hard to tell with her thigh length shorts and f— me boots. She was allowing him full of access to her chest and her face was practically covered by his saliva. I was disgusted with such blatant display of pedophilia and wondered why she would stoop so low till I saw a glint of his balding golden hair and the wallet full of cash.

Ah.

She was a Pinay whore.

It’s women like these that can give decent Pinays a bad name. All you have to say is one word, “Filipina.” and foreign men look upon you as fresh meat they want to jump into bed with. I’ve had this experience in China where I work as a teacher. Just by saying my nationality was enough for one American to tag along with us for half an hour uninvited, a leery glimmer in his eye. My friend Belle told a Frenchman where she was from and was immediately offered HK$5,000 on the spot for one night.

What’s a decent girl to do? Whoredom isn’t our profession but it might have well been tattooed on our foreheads. It’s hard to shake away this tainted assumption what for every Filipino woman earning a respectable living out there, there’s twice the number of hoes spreading their mocca colored legs.

Worse than whores, are those notorious Filipina gold-diggers who milk men endlessly for their money and a one way ticket to their country. A cloud of this doubt settled in on Chinese expat Shelly’s relationship. She was in love with Harry, a scholarly Brit till he accused her one night in a jealous rage of using him to get into UK. “I don’t need your goddamned passport!” she snarled. “And FYI, you can keep your cash because I make more money than you!”. That was the last Harry saw of her.

These are just some of the many problems other Filipinas encounter should they ever find love in a foreign man’s arms. It’s sad that such relationships would be stained with such stereotyping. But as long as families remain unfed, Filipinas as young as twelve year olds would be forced to take up the garter belt to please the sex-starved old men in the world. The unclean assumptions would continue to spread like unshakeable noxious smog. And for the rest with decent jobs? Spat at those who misjudge you and prove them wrong. No matter how much false misconception is out there, we have enough guts to rise above it. If he still thinks of you as some cheap hussy, then leave him with your dignity and respect intact. You’re worth way more than that and you know it.

Whoever said love was easy?

I was once asked what difficulties I encounter being in an intercultural marriage and I thought not much because my husband and I talked about almost all of the important things from the start. It was not enough to say that we love each other. It was also important to make some things clear.

Money, religion, customs, previous relationships, ambitions, expectations, and future plans are some of the important things you need to discuss from the start. That may sound like you’re about to go on a business deal but of course I don’t mean it that way. When I say “talk about these things”, I didn’t mean that you do it in one sitting or in a few hours of chatting over the internet. I believe that a relatively long engagement is needed. It will help both parties to learn about each other more.

I do believe in online relationships but such can only be successful if you meet your partner face to face and if you spend time with each other. Chatting and exchanging emails strip a lot of important things that happens in an authentic face to face conversation. Facial expressions, tones of voice, eye contact, and other things that help you judge and understand better what the other person is “really” saying. So until you meet your partner face to face, don’t decide or commit yourself just yet.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Ruthi again for the wonderful job she did here in BizarreMarriage.com. If you haven’t yet, I advise you to read her online dating series and her article about intercultural marriage. These articles will surely entertain you and give you insights about getting in and being in an intercultural relationship. If you enjoy her articles you may read more about her here and here.

Ruthi also runs a series of blogs and I can understand that she’s busy on her blogs now so for the next few weeks, I would like to take the responsibility in contributing articles on Bizarremarriage.com. I will still ask Ruthi to write articles for this blog from time to time though because I think this blog needs her straightforwardness and humor every now and then.

Meantime, there is something I would like to do for this blog and I was thinking about it for a very long time already and this plan will be revealed in one of my next posts. This will need readers’ support and I am cooking it carefully now so I hope that you guys are staying in tune for that.

Making that big decision to take online dating seriously is a leap of faith. It is a leap of faith because you have a certain degree of hope in your heart that somehow… somewhere… someday… you will meet that special someone whom you want to spend the rest of your life with. It is a leap of faith because at the back of your mind there are uncertainties but still you somehow hope that your perseverance will eventually pay off. It is a leap of faith because despite the qualms, you have the confidence that somewhere you will finally have a positive conclusion to your future. And it is a leap of faith because there is also a great chance that there is actually no one there for you and what you only have is your hope and faith.

However, once you set on a sail to the ocean of great opportunities you have great prospect of catching the biggest fish. The saying… there are lots of fish in the ocean… is quite true. There are indeed lots of fish in the ocean but it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is easy to catch one. There are indeed lots of fish in the ocean but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will catch one. There are indeed lots of fish in the ocean but it doesn’t necessarily mean your work is done.

Catching the big fish in the big ocean entails a lot of hard work, patience and perseverance.

1. HARD WORK: Honestly, this is the easy part because you already did half of it. You already accepted your present predicament and that alone entails a real hard work. It makes it easy if you already made your mission statement and have a vision. But the other half of this part which is hard is dealing with your present predicament in a more drastic way. The real hard part is paddling your way to the open ocean of opportunity. The real hard part is casting your net in the ocean of uncertainties. The real hard part is playing the waiting game.

2. PATIENCE: You need it. You need lots of it. And you need it without limitations. If your middle name isn’t “Patience” you better get yourself baptized again. Fishing is a “waiting game” and patience is literally your “bait“. Patience will keep you in the game. Patience will fuel your motor to keep sailing. Patience will give you the power to hold on to the fishing net. Without patience your hopes and fears are just that… hopes and fears.

3. PERSEVERANCE:Hard work and patience get a real backing up with perseverance. They both get a big push with perseverance on hand because hanging on gives one the benefit of the doubt for the hard work done and the profit of being patient. Online daters should be tough. Online daters should be vigilant. Online daters should have a certain degree of firmness to keep with the ocean current and tides and to be able to do that, you need perseverance.

I have been into online dating for 4 long years before I met my husband. But four long years of hard work, patience and perseverance are not long enough to consider if I have to wait for my Prince Charming for a lifetime. For four long years, I caught all kinds of fish – in all sizes, colors and shapes. For four long years, I have been in real virtual relationships that I couldn’t imagine in the real world. For four long years, I have been in and out of virtual relationships that I almost backed out and sailed back ashore. But then, I had to work harder. I was patient. And I persevered.

The big plunge isn’t about sailing. The big plunge isn’t about catching the big fish. The big plunge isn’t about taking home the big catch of the day and wait for the sun to shine. Nope. The big plunge is about you not sitting on the boat and just casting down your net or fishing pole and take all the fish the will be trapped in the net or those that will bite the bait. The big plunge is about you diving into the big ocean and swimming with the big fish and catching them by your bare hands because in reality, those fish are also there catching fishes. Yap. You are also the fish in the ocean of great opportunity. You are not just catching the fish but you are also a big fish waiting to be caught.

Four long years of playing the catching and waiting game took a toll on me. I was at the brink of giving up until I got tight grasp of the whole idea of online dating. Being a fish in the ocean I was able to learn the ocean current and tide on virtual relationships. It was tough. I met a lot of prospective partners and get an average of 2 marriage proposals in a day. But of course, those are just bait. I had a couple of real serious relationships that lasted more than 6 months with regular chat, phone calls and [broken] promises. One actually visited me in person but then reality knocked and I found out he wasn’t the big fish after all. I had my moments in the virtual world. And just like any normal relationships I had some petty quarrels to deal with… sleepless nights to get over with… feeling of depression to handle with… and at the end of the day, I have to check the clouds again for a tiny hint of silver lining.

Four long years of battling with personal disappointments on virtual relationship [yes, it is inevitable too] was monumental enough for me to give up any grain of hope left in my bucket. But just I was about to sign off and call it a day and turn off the button… a big fish caught me… and I caught him back. ©

For 40-ish women seeking lifetime partner and romance online, age factor is the next big thing. There is no sense in defying age because the truth will always hunt you down. Your age has a big factor both for you as a seeker and the person you are seeking for. If you are within this age range you either are looking for a partner who are of the same age or a bit older than you are but very rare that you will be looking for partners half your age unless you are Samantha Jones of Sex in the City.

Since you already accepted the fact that you are not getting any younger, you have to realize that age factor is a vital point in goal setting. This is important because you will need it as a point of preference for seeking your match. There are 3 age categories that you have to consider.

1. Chronological – This is your “real” age. It is based on the real date of your birth (day, month and the year). Most women always lie about it. They always avoid any question leading to it. And they always deny it. This category is always abused, altered and misrepresented. Some can get away without a problem. Others are caught red-handed. And a few ones are still in the state of denial. So, when you go online, you either tell the truth or lie about your age. It’s your choice. Just remember, God is watching you.

2. Biological – This is your age based on your physical appearance. You may be familiar with the saying… you don’t look your age. Well, it maybe two things. Either you look older than your age or otherwise. If you look younger that your age, you will feel motivated and proud of yourself. You will have no problem telling someone your chronological age because you love to hear them say… “Really? You look younger! I thought you are only 26 years old”. For a 40-ish woman, this is a big thing. [I know how it feels, trust me.] But if you look older than your age, you might want to deny it. Sometimes you will feel discouraged but don’t lose hope there are lots of options you can take. Invest on your appearance. Upgrade your lifestyle and you’ll never go wrong with that.

3. Psychological – This is the age that you set your mind on. So, this is a mind-set age, so to speak. This is the age that you want to stay in forever. This is the number of candles that you constantly put in your birthday cake year after year after year. This is the age that you tell people [without guilt] when they asked how old are you and it remains constant.

Here’s the thing, when I was in the US Embassy waiting for my interview for my Fiancé Visa, I met a few women who were there for the same purpose. I met a 19-year old girl whose fiancé is a 40-something divorcee whom she doesn’t know what kind of works he does. I met a 26-year old woman whose fiancé is a 71-year old widower. I also met a 40-year old separated lady with a 9-year old daughter [who was also included in the petition] whose fiancé is a 50-year old single but with 2 kids. And I am a 42-year old [virgin] never been married and no kids whose fiancé is a 50 year old divorcee with 3 kids. The bottom line is… age may be a big factor, so you might want to consider it in your decision making process.

When you are at this age, it’s very rare that you might find the most eligible-never-been-kissed-never-been-hitched-and-never-been-screwed-up bachelors online. The guys you will meet online seeking for relationships [serious or otherwise] are either single with kid/s or divorcee [with or without kid/s] or widower [with or without kid/s]. So be prepared for the extra baggage because that is something you cannot get rid of.

When you are 40-ish woman, there is no room for being fussy. You cannot be picky because you are buying times already. And with this in mind, there is one question you need to answer with all honesty – am I ready for THE BIG PLUNGE ©