I am so glad that my summer break is finally here. I can relax a little bit and focus on the things that entertain me like reading and writing. In these six weeks, I also like to cultivate my new-found interest in gardening but perhaps, I should postpone that until next year because my husband and I agreed to finish the house’s interior first before we beautify our small garden. I am not complaining at all as there are other things that could easily occupy me like blogging, taking photos, and facebooking.

My husband told me that I spend so much time in front of the computer and I know that I can really be so excessive with it sometimes but I hope that he can see the positive side of it. When I am in front of my laptop, I am not spending money (haha!) and he knows that when I go out, I spend money and I spend A LOT.

I really want to get in to blogging again like in 2007 and 2008. I want to be earning from my blogs again so I really want to build them up now. I feel sorry that I am taking so much time from our “supposedly” quality time with each other and spending it on my online activities but I badly want to work as much as I can on my blogs. In September, I’ll be going back to teaching and that means, I’ll be very busy again. I will also be studying this coming semester so I am not sure how much time I could spend on this particular hobby. Probably zero.

So now, I want to prepare my blogs for the time that I can’t tend to them. For this blog, my friend Lamielle will help me out. I know she’s got a lot of things to say about intercultural marriages because she’s in one. She’s a busy bee because she’s taking a lot of classes like yoga and German, and on top of those things, she’s pregnant but she said she’d be able to put up a post or two for this site. I think that would be nice.

And for the other blogs, I have to manage them all by myself. I plan to create posts and just schedule their publishing dates.  I hope I can do that before September. For now, let’s look forward to Lamielle’s posts on this blog.

As you might have noticed, I changed the theme of this blog. I’ve been using the old one for about a year and a half and I thought that this blog could use a face lift. The project of installing a new theme entailed digging in to our wedding pictures. I needed to look for photos I can use for the rotating images on the sidebar.  While doing so, I couldn’t help but walk along the memory lane and mull over  everything that happened on that special day. After looking at our wedding pictures, I listened to our wedding song and I thought of sharing it with you.

It is in German. Back then, I didn’t really understand it but I fell in love with the melody right away. After listening to the translation from my, then, fiancé, I thought it fits to what we feel for each other. We both like the song and the lyrics so we sort of had an understanding that this song will be “our song”.

It was played on our wedding day right after the “you may kiss the bride” moment.

Two years later, I can understand the song perfectly and although there are a lot of translations on the internet, I made my own. The words might sound silly and awkward in the English translation (because we don’t say things like that in English) but trust me, they’re wonderful in German.

DAS BESTE by Silbermond

I think it is a common thing that when one learns a foreign language, he eventually loses his proficiency in his own language or in any language he learned earlier.

This is what I am experiencing right now.

Basically, I can speak three Philippine dialects, and two languages (Filipino and English). I also learned a little bit of Chinese.

In my pursuit to learn German, I think the biggest consequence is that I am losing what little English skills I have. I wouldn’t mind losing my skills in those Philippine dialects because I honestly don’t find any significant or life changing use of them.

But with English, it is different.

Like many citizens of the Philippines, I learned English as a second language and for me it is a continuous learning process. I say that it is a continuous learning process because I’ve never felt that I’ve achieved the English proficiency of a native speaker. And though I am not aiming to adopt an English native speaker’s twang and accent, I want to be able to use English (written and spoken) with the same ease as that of a native speaker.

And so there goes my problem. Right now, I don’t use English too often and although I try to hold on to it by reading and rereading books and blogs that are written in English, I still feel like my English is degrading. Not only that but much to my dismay, I also somehow successfully able to adopt the kind of English they speak here. That means that when I am speaking in English, I now have those awkward rising and falling tones that are unevenly spread all throughout my sentences. Normally, these tones sound wonderfully melodious when used in an Austrian dialect but these tones definitely sound absurd when used in English.

The only person I talk to in English right now is my husband. Slowly, we are trying to speak to each other in German (this is in our effort to improve my German skills). Hopefully we don’t get use to speaking in German to each other that much so there’s still room for English because I sure don’t like to lose my skills in English. I know it will always come in handy especially since we really like to raise our future kid/s as English/German bilingual.

This week’s post is totally different from the regular posts you normally read here and that is because it is from our guest writer, Kate Yu. I suppose her honest and figurative tone definitely gives an interesting color to this blog.

Kate is a talented young writer who is currently teaching in China while pursuing a career in writing. Her blog, Live Out of the Box, showcases not only her opinions and advices on traveling, teaching, personal development, and other things but also her writing prowess. I met her through her blog and I have to say that I was, and still am, impressed by her works. When I learned that she writes guest posts, I didn’t hesitate to ask her to make one for Bizarre Marriage even if I know that she’s not in an intercultural relationship because I believe that an opinion from her, a nonconformist outsider, is still worth reading.

***

I saw her grinding the dance floor with a man old enough to be in her grandfather. She could’ve been fourteen but it was hard to tell with her thigh length shorts and f— me boots. She was allowing him full of access to her chest and her face was practically covered by his saliva. I was disgusted with such blatant display of pedophilia and wondered why she would stoop so low till I saw a glint of his balding golden hair and the wallet full of cash.

Ah.

She was a Pinay whore.

It’s women like these that can give decent Pinays a bad name. All you have to say is one word, “Filipina.” and foreign men look upon you as fresh meat they want to jump into bed with. I’ve had this experience in China where I work as a teacher. Just by saying my nationality was enough for one American to tag along with us for half an hour uninvited, a leery glimmer in his eye. My friend Belle told a Frenchman where she was from and was immediately offered HK$5,000 on the spot for one night.

What’s a decent girl to do? Whoredom isn’t our profession but it might have well been tattooed on our foreheads. It’s hard to shake away this tainted assumption what for every Filipino woman earning a respectable living out there, there’s twice the number of hoes spreading their mocca colored legs.

Worse than whores, are those notorious Filipina gold-diggers who milk men endlessly for their money and a one way ticket to their country. A cloud of this doubt settled in on Chinese expat Shelly’s relationship. She was in love with Harry, a scholarly Brit till he accused her one night in a jealous rage of using him to get into UK. “I don’t need your goddamned passport!” she snarled. “And FYI, you can keep your cash because I make more money than you!”. That was the last Harry saw of her.

These are just some of the many problems other Filipinas encounter should they ever find love in a foreign man’s arms. It’s sad that such relationships would be stained with such stereotyping. But as long as families remain unfed, Filipinas as young as twelve year olds would be forced to take up the garter belt to please the sex-starved old men in the world. The unclean assumptions would continue to spread like unshakeable noxious smog. And for the rest with decent jobs? Spat at those who misjudge you and prove them wrong. No matter how much false misconception is out there, we have enough guts to rise above it. If he still thinks of you as some cheap hussy, then leave him with your dignity and respect intact. You’re worth way more than that and you know it.

Whoever said love was easy?

I was once asked what difficulties I encounter being in an intercultural marriage and I thought not much because my husband and I talked about almost all of the important things from the start. It was not enough to say that we love each other. It was also important to make some things clear.

Money, religion, customs, previous relationships, ambitions, expectations, and future plans are some of the important things you need to discuss from the start. That may sound like you’re about to go on a business deal but of course I don’t mean it that way. When I say “talk about these things”, I didn’t mean that you do it in one sitting or in a few hours of chatting over the internet. I believe that a relatively long engagement is needed. It will help both parties to learn about each other more.

I do believe in online relationships but such can only be successful if you meet your partner face to face and if you spend time with each other. Chatting and exchanging emails strip a lot of important things that happens in an authentic face to face conversation. Facial expressions, tones of voice, eye contact, and other things that help you judge and understand better what the other person is “really” saying. So until you meet your partner face to face, don’t decide or commit yourself just yet.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Ruthi again for the wonderful job she did here in BizarreMarriage.com. If you haven’t yet, I advise you to read her online dating series and her article about intercultural marriage. These articles will surely entertain you and give you insights about getting in and being in an intercultural relationship. If you enjoy her articles you may read more about her here and here.

Ruthi also runs a series of blogs and I can understand that she’s busy on her blogs now so for the next few weeks, I would like to take the responsibility in contributing articles on Bizarremarriage.com. I will still ask Ruthi to write articles for this blog from time to time though because I think this blog needs her straightforwardness and humor every now and then.

Meantime, there is something I would like to do for this blog and I was thinking about it for a very long time already and this plan will be revealed in one of my next posts. This will need readers’ support and I am cooking it carefully now so I hope that you guys are staying in tune for that.

Making that big decision to take online dating seriously is a leap of faith. It is a leap of faith because you have a certain degree of hope in your heart that somehow… somewhere… someday… you will meet that special someone whom you want to spend the rest of your life with. It is a leap of faith because at the back of your mind there are uncertainties but still you somehow hope that your perseverance will eventually pay off. It is a leap of faith because despite the qualms, you have the confidence that somewhere you will finally have a positive conclusion to your future. And it is a leap of faith because there is also a great chance that there is actually no one there for you and what you only have is your hope and faith.

However, once you set on a sail to the ocean of great opportunities you have great prospect of catching the biggest fish. The saying… there are lots of fish in the ocean… is quite true. There are indeed lots of fish in the ocean but it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is easy to catch one. There are indeed lots of fish in the ocean but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will catch one. There are indeed lots of fish in the ocean but it doesn’t necessarily mean your work is done.

Catching the big fish in the big ocean entails a lot of hard work, patience and perseverance.

1. HARD WORK: Honestly, this is the easy part because you already did half of it. You already accepted your present predicament and that alone entails a real hard work. It makes it easy if you already made your mission statement and have a vision. But the other half of this part which is hard is dealing with your present predicament in a more drastic way. The real hard part is paddling your way to the open ocean of opportunity. The real hard part is casting your net in the ocean of uncertainties. The real hard part is playing the waiting game.

2. PATIENCE: You need it. You need lots of it. And you need it without limitations. If your middle name isn’t “Patience” you better get yourself baptized again. Fishing is a “waiting game” and patience is literally your “bait“. Patience will keep you in the game. Patience will fuel your motor to keep sailing. Patience will give you the power to hold on to the fishing net. Without patience your hopes and fears are just that… hopes and fears.

3. PERSEVERANCE:Hard work and patience get a real backing up with perseverance. They both get a big push with perseverance on hand because hanging on gives one the benefit of the doubt for the hard work done and the profit of being patient. Online daters should be tough. Online daters should be vigilant. Online daters should have a certain degree of firmness to keep with the ocean current and tides and to be able to do that, you need perseverance.

I have been into online dating for 4 long years before I met my husband. But four long years of hard work, patience and perseverance are not long enough to consider if I have to wait for my Prince Charming for a lifetime. For four long years, I caught all kinds of fish – in all sizes, colors and shapes. For four long years, I have been in real virtual relationships that I couldn’t imagine in the real world. For four long years, I have been in and out of virtual relationships that I almost backed out and sailed back ashore. But then, I had to work harder. I was patient. And I persevered.

The big plunge isn’t about sailing. The big plunge isn’t about catching the big fish. The big plunge isn’t about taking home the big catch of the day and wait for the sun to shine. Nope. The big plunge is about you not sitting on the boat and just casting down your net or fishing pole and take all the fish the will be trapped in the net or those that will bite the bait. The big plunge is about you diving into the big ocean and swimming with the big fish and catching them by your bare hands because in reality, those fish are also there catching fishes. Yap. You are also the fish in the ocean of great opportunity. You are not just catching the fish but you are also a big fish waiting to be caught.

Four long years of playing the catching and waiting game took a toll on me. I was at the brink of giving up until I got tight grasp of the whole idea of online dating. Being a fish in the ocean I was able to learn the ocean current and tide on virtual relationships. It was tough. I met a lot of prospective partners and get an average of 2 marriage proposals in a day. But of course, those are just bait. I had a couple of real serious relationships that lasted more than 6 months with regular chat, phone calls and [broken] promises. One actually visited me in person but then reality knocked and I found out he wasn’t the big fish after all. I had my moments in the virtual world. And just like any normal relationships I had some petty quarrels to deal with… sleepless nights to get over with… feeling of depression to handle with… and at the end of the day, I have to check the clouds again for a tiny hint of silver lining.

Four long years of battling with personal disappointments on virtual relationship [yes, it is inevitable too] was monumental enough for me to give up any grain of hope left in my bucket. But just I was about to sign off and call it a day and turn off the button… a big fish caught me… and I caught him back. ©

For 40-ish women seeking lifetime partner and romance online, age factor is the next big thing. There is no sense in defying age because the truth will always hunt you down. Your age has a big factor both for you as a seeker and the person you are seeking for. If you are within this age range you either are looking for a partner who are of the same age or a bit older than you are but very rare that you will be looking for partners half your age unless you are Samantha Jones of Sex in the City.

Since you already accepted the fact that you are not getting any younger, you have to realize that age factor is a vital point in goal setting. This is important because you will need it as a point of preference for seeking your match. There are 3 age categories that you have to consider.

1. Chronological – This is your “real” age. It is based on the real date of your birth (day, month and the year). Most women always lie about it. They always avoid any question leading to it. And they always deny it. This category is always abused, altered and misrepresented. Some can get away without a problem. Others are caught red-handed. And a few ones are still in the state of denial. So, when you go online, you either tell the truth or lie about your age. It’s your choice. Just remember, God is watching you.

2. Biological – This is your age based on your physical appearance. You may be familiar with the saying… you don’t look your age. Well, it maybe two things. Either you look older than your age or otherwise. If you look younger that your age, you will feel motivated and proud of yourself. You will have no problem telling someone your chronological age because you love to hear them say… “Really? You look younger! I thought you are only 26 years old”. For a 40-ish woman, this is a big thing. [I know how it feels, trust me.] But if you look older than your age, you might want to deny it. Sometimes you will feel discouraged but don’t lose hope there are lots of options you can take. Invest on your appearance. Upgrade your lifestyle and you’ll never go wrong with that.

3. Psychological – This is the age that you set your mind on. So, this is a mind-set age, so to speak. This is the age that you want to stay in forever. This is the number of candles that you constantly put in your birthday cake year after year after year. This is the age that you tell people [without guilt] when they asked how old are you and it remains constant.

Here’s the thing, when I was in the US Embassy waiting for my interview for my Fiancé Visa, I met a few women who were there for the same purpose. I met a 19-year old girl whose fiancé is a 40-something divorcee whom she doesn’t know what kind of works he does. I met a 26-year old woman whose fiancé is a 71-year old widower. I also met a 40-year old separated lady with a 9-year old daughter [who was also included in the petition] whose fiancé is a 50-year old single but with 2 kids. And I am a 42-year old [virgin] never been married and no kids whose fiancé is a 50 year old divorcee with 3 kids. The bottom line is… age may be a big factor, so you might want to consider it in your decision making process.

When you are at this age, it’s very rare that you might find the most eligible-never-been-kissed-never-been-hitched-and-never-been-screwed-up bachelors online. The guys you will meet online seeking for relationships [serious or otherwise] are either single with kid/s or divorcee [with or without kid/s] or widower [with or without kid/s]. So be prepared for the extra baggage because that is something you cannot get rid of.

When you are 40-ish woman, there is no room for being fussy. You cannot be picky because you are buying times already. And with this in mind, there is one question you need to answer with all honesty – am I ready for THE BIG PLUNGE ©

Here is the thing. Your personal predicament in the predisposed-intimate-relationship department officially considered you ready for the next level. This is the “testing-the-water” state where you need to be geared to the tee. Actually, this is the easiest part in the entire online dating process because you don’t have to go through another soul-searching methodology that you already subjected yourself in during the first few previous articles.

Taking into action your decision, you are bound to find the consequences of what it takes to be a seeker. That is the sad reality. You are then considered a seeker. And you have to accept that fact. Being a seeker means a lot to anybody. If you are a woman coming from a conservative cultural background where women are supposed to be sought after, this action is somewhat a shocking truth. But as they say… you got to do what you got to do. This is what I meant by – going to the offensive.

Being a seeker has both the advantages and disadvantages. One of the advantages is that, you have now the power to choose. You can set your own standard and work around it. You don’t have to try hard to be chosen because you are the one who will make the selection. Doesn’t it give you power, or what? With regards to the disadvantages, I let you discover that. But the most important thing is that… you should be able to identify what kind of a seeker are you?

There are different group of seekers that an online dater can be categorized. It all depends, of course, on your personal sexual preference. Here are some of the different categories that maybe a helpful deciding factor for seekers and online daters alike.

1. MEN-SEEKING WOMEN: Women who prefer men, obviously, fall on this category. Most 40-ish women who are seeking men for future partners are on this boat. This is the category for women who are ready to take that big step in deciding for their future. This is your starting point where you will take the leap of faith in finding your prince. This is the category where you will be promoted as seeker of that life-ever-after ending. This is the category where women-seeking men will browse… to find and look for you.

2. WOMEN-SEEKING MEN: This is the opposite of the women who prefer men. This is your prospective seeker if you are a woman [in the real sense of the word]. This is the category where men-seeking women will browse… to go to the offensive. This is the category where you will make your personal choice and selection of your prospective princes. This is the category for what so called – straight men. They are the [practicing] hetero-sexual human beings in search of the opposite life or [sex] partners. They are potential partners who are capable of a lasting relationship or the opposite. And they come in all sizes, color and shape, literally and figuratively.

3. MEN-SEEKING MEN: The existence of the third sex is undeniably acceptable. They already have their own place under the sun. They have equal rights just like any straight men. They have freedom to live according to their sexual preference and good thing their rights are legally recognized now. Men can now marry their gay partners. So there is hope for everyone.

4. WOMEN-SEEKING WOMEN: This is the opposite of the gay men seekers. If you are a woman who prefers another woman, this is your category. This is legit too. Your rights are equally recognized just like the gay men.

5. MARRIED BUT LOOKING: Let it be known that there are people who are not satisfied with their present status in life. There are people who don’t feel fulfilled in one aspect of their lives. And there are people who are plain adventurous. This is a valid category. This is a universal category. This category is for both men and women who are in relationship or wanting to get out of it or just wanting to play a game or two. And in the online dating arena, their needs are acknowledged and addressed. But if you are really looking for a real-life partner and seeking a real relationship and not just a new “sports”, then this is not the one for you. Because there will be complications that one has to deal with along the way. But then, there are cases where there are married women who got lucky and were able to find her ideal life partner. But that is an isolated case. The point is – there is still hope for those who are already in a relationship, so have faith.

6. And THE OTHERS (not specified): This category is flexible. You can even create your own specific category and invite people to join you here. You can come up with anything and your imagination is your only limitation. This could be a combination of the 5 other categories mentioned above. So this is considered as “whatever category”.

So, whatever your sexual preference is, you have equal rights to seek and to be sought. Once you know your category, the next step is deciding on the AGE FACTOR. ©

When I started learning how to use the computer I was only thinking how it will help me with my line of work. Being a teacher, it helped me a lot with my lessons and grade computations. Little did I know that it will also help me find a husband.

In online Dating, decision making is a painstaking process especially if you are not sure of its possible outcome. Even if you were able to make a [fuzzy] mission statement and a [vague] vision of your future in online dating, still there will be a shade of apprehension about the upshot of what you might be deciding on. We both know too that mission and vision are still elusive at this point due to some uncertainties that you harbor at the back of your mind because honestly, the reality is still surreal especially if you are the conventional and typical kind of person.

When I started learning to know the great possibilities that I can do with the computer, it dawned on me how important this tool not only in my work but in my future as well. I took advantage of those opportunities that I can get out of it. I used them to the fullest. I taught myself to use them to benefit my love life. I explored all options that could be advantageous to my personal concerns. And I am now enjoying the result of my hard work.

Yes, online dating is a real hard work just like any other relationship for that matter. And one of the hardships that you will encounter is – getting started. It’s hard to start especially if you do not know what to do… where to go… when to go… and how to go there.

In order to get started, you should be able to deal with the 3 Ws and an H.

WHAT: This is the first issue that you need to address with all honestly. By this time, you should already have a clear idea of “what” you want to do with you life. But this is not really that complicated anymore when you already have your mission statement. In other words, the “what” is your starting point to the next step of the decision making process which is… to figure it out how you will make your mission-vision come true. The “what” will be then more tangible and concrete and this will guide you to “where” you want to go.

WHERE: Where – is always associated with location, a special place or a respite where you can search for that one special someone in your vision. So it could be first and foremost, the place where you will go online. It could be the internet café or a friend’s place or your own [In my case, I used all of the above]. Once you have decided on that, “where” is also the specific place where you see your vision being manifested. This means that you must have in mind which part of the world your special someone must come from. Please be aware that there is a great possibility that once you found your soul mate and when things between you get serious, the odds of you being relocated is huge. You will have to accept the fact that you will have to give up everything [I mean it] in order to be with that someone. But if your dream is to live and work abroad, then this is not a problem at all. Where also denotes two actual places: the free social network [like YM Chatroom, where I found my guy] and paid matchmaking network [like eHarmony and others]. (Note: There will be a separate article on this special topic.)

WHEN: When – refers to time. This is a very important factor in online dating. You must have it. You must commit to it. You must give in to it. There should be no alibi now. Having no time is not an excuse for you to go online. Once you have the time, you will soon develop a habit and that is common… that is natural… and that is the norm for anyone who decided to seek online dating. You will be hooked once you learned how to do it. You will have sleepless nights and you might want to give up your night job or God forbids… even your day job just to be online 24/7. It’s addictive. That is one of the downside of it.

HOW: This is the go-getter of the entire process. Technically, the “how” is the skill that you need to acquire to be able to make your mission statement and vision a reality. First, you need to learn the basic skill in computing. And from there you are good to go. You don’t have to be a computer savvy. Nope, you only need to know some special commands and everything will be a breeze. You can ask help from the staff of the internet café or your friends and anyone who are available and willing to help you and you are all set. Once you learn the skill you are now ready to catch the biggest fish in the ocean. You are now licensed to fish.

But there is still one W that is not mentioned from the discussion above. That W stands for – the WHO. It was not really mentioned because this issue is kinda subjective. Of course you already have in your mind what kind of a person you are looking for, the place where you might want to spend the rest of your life but never whom you are spending it with… that is why you are seeking. The “who” is that person you are looking for and you will be amazed with the result. Here, you don’t need any skill. What you do need is – the faith. The “who” is the W that will give your search a spice of mystery. Now that you know all these… are you ready to be the big “S”? THE SEEKER, that is. ©