When I was young, I never thought of marrying a foreigner. In fact I was scared of them and always thought that they have bad attitudes and bad smell (please forgive my ignorance).  I did not realize that I was wrong until I moved to Dubai to work there.  Working in Dubai gave me the chance to meet a lot of nice people from all over the world and this is how I met the man who took my breath way.

As a Filipina I always dreamt of having a better life at some point in the future. And since I grew up in the small town of Zamboanga City, I decided to leave my own country and try my luck outside the Philippines. Little did I know that this journey will take me to find the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Yes, our love story is not that different from any other couple. At the time we met, I was working in a hotel and D was in town for a business trip.  From the moment we set eyes on each other, we both hit it off and from then on, we knew that we do not want to be away from each other. However, we lived on two different continents—thousands of miles away from each other. It was a difficult situation but our distance was not a reason to keep us from loving each other so we continued our relationship while employing all kinds of technology to stay in touch with each other. We used chats, emails, long distance calls, texts (sms) and he visited me every three months.  At first it had worked okay but later on, we were not contented anymore with just talking on the phone, so we both decided to take our relationship to the next level. We got married and now…here I am here in Switzerland—in the arms of my loving husband.

Looking back, I can say that keeping a relationship with somebody who is of different nationality was not easy basically because we have different cultures and we needed to go through a lot of bureaucratic processes just to be together but the end result is worth it. D and I are together and happy. Of course we still have cultural differences and these things come up every now and them but our love to each other is more than enough to triumph over all of our differences.

I am so glad that my summer break is finally here. I can relax a little bit and focus on the things that entertain me like reading and writing. In these six weeks, I also like to cultivate my new-found interest in gardening but perhaps, I should postpone that until next year because my husband and I agreed to finish the house’s interior first before we beautify our small garden. I am not complaining at all as there are other things that could easily occupy me like blogging, taking photos, and facebooking.

My husband told me that I spend so much time in front of the computer and I know that I can really be so excessive with it sometimes but I hope that he can see the positive side of it. When I am in front of my laptop, I am not spending money (haha!) and he knows that when I go out, I spend money and I spend A LOT.

I really want to get in to blogging again like in 2007 and 2008. I want to be earning from my blogs again so I really want to build them up now. I feel sorry that I am taking so much time from our “supposedly” quality time with each other and spending it on my online activities but I badly want to work as much as I can on my blogs. In September, I’ll be going back to teaching and that means, I’ll be very busy again. I will also be studying this coming semester so I am not sure how much time I could spend on this particular hobby. Probably zero.

So now, I want to prepare my blogs for the time that I can’t tend to them. For this blog, my friend Lamielle will help me out. I know she’s got a lot of things to say about intercultural marriages because she’s in one. She’s a busy bee because she’s taking a lot of classes like yoga and German, and on top of those things, she’s pregnant but she said she’d be able to put up a post or two for this site. I think that would be nice.

And for the other blogs, I have to manage them all by myself. I plan to create posts and just schedule their publishing dates.  I hope I can do that before September. For now, let’s look forward to Lamielle’s posts on this blog.

Dear Schatz,

It’s more than a month since my last letter. A lot has happened since then but I am glad that the changes were all positive.

I am glad we had that talk. I am glad that you listened to me. I am glad that you understand me. I am glad that from then on, you are trying to change some things.

I listened to you too and I also understand you so I am also now trying to change some things.

I specially appreciate your effort to spend more time with me in the last weeks. I appreciate your effort in helping me more with the house work. You were already helping me before but as you know, this place is more demanding than our previous flat.  I also appreciate that you consult me now with everything you want to do with the house. In return, I am trying to minimize my work related tasks to have more time for you and for other things like cooking and baking—things you so want me to learn.

And I am glad that all our efforts are working.

We’re more relaxed now. I hope this will continue.

Ich liebe dich!

Kussl,
Schatzl



Dear Schatz,

I am super glad that I have a week off. It’s good for me. A week off my stressful work is really a blessing to my wilting soul and should be celebrated by just being lazy. Yes. Being lazy—sitting around, doing nothing, eating when I am hungry, and sleeping when I want. I feel the need to replenish my energy this way. I know that there are tons of things to do like unpacking our boxes, cleaning this and that, ironing clothes, organizing stuff, and so on but I want a break from all of these otherwise, I will get crazy.

I know that if you were the one having a week off from your work, you’ll work on the house nonstop. Unfortunately for me, I don’t have the energy or maybe the spirit to do that.

We’ve worked hard. Can we slow down a bit from here on?

And yeah, the thing I was talking about in my last letter—the thing about “buying a house” giving me a whole new insight to our relationship. You see, we never have to worry about a lot of things prior to the purchase of this house so I am quite surprise that personalities I didn’t know exist are surfacing just because we bought a house. I am not only referring to your personalities but mine as well. I realized that we are two people who want completely different things. Of course you consult me about what I want but not without giving me a preselected (by you) set of choices. It’s like… “Okay, these are the things I like, now what do you like from these things?” What happens if I want something completely out of your preselected things? I get a lengthy explanation why it is not possible, or it is not the best solution, or whatever. So what happens next? I give in and choose something from your preselected things.

Also, I know that everybody is excited about this house and I love your parents and I honestly think that they’re great and are nice persons but if we agreed on something already, can we please just push through with that without you consulting your parents about it? I know you value your parents’ advice and I do too but there are just things that I believe, we can very well manage by ourselves.

I know you just want what’s best for the house and I honestly think you have a very good taste but sometimes…just sometimes, I wish you could also let me feel that I have a “say” on this house. Sure, you let me decide over things but I am not a stupid not to know that these are unimportant and are only given to me to decide on just to make me feel that I am also making some decisions.

I’ve always thought that I am strong-willed person so I am really surprise to find myself succumbing almost always.

Maybe I still am a strong-willed person.

Maybe that’s the reason why I have this burdensome feeling every time I “just” give in.

But why do I yield?

I know…

Ich liebe dich mein Schatz.

Kussl,
Schatzl

Dear Schatz,

The last weeks have been physically difficult for both of us and to tell you honestly, I haven’t been coping well emotionally either. I probably just can’t handle such stress that is why small things easily get to my nerves and I am becoming too touchy too.

I don’t remember blogging about us fighting or about us being in a miserable situation (relationship-wise) and that is because everything’s been really smooth between us. Two and a half years of marriage and not a single fight. There were tiny conflicts every now and then but not one lasted a day. I am quite proud of us.
But then we bought a house.

It’s actually great but then things associated with buying, owning, and putting a house together gave me a whole new insight into our relationship and I will definitely blog about it when I have more time.

Love you,
Schatzl

Dear Schatz,

So we finally sold our financial souls to the gods of Austrian real estate and bought ourselves a house.

Well, not exactly a house because we share walls with the neighbors. I don’t know how to translate “Reihenhaus” in English but the internet says it is a “town house” so town house it is. I like its simplicity and the fact that we are the first to live in it. I also like the fact that we can still construct some aspects of the house the way we want it and most of all, I like the fact that we are doing it together.

I still feel like I am going to pass out every time I think of our handsome credit but I must really love the house because I am prepared to close my eyes and stomach the fact that we are in debt for XX years. Everybody says it is just normal here and they also say that if we can’t afford it then who can? 90% of the adult population in Austria has some sort of a credit so it’s about time for us to join the wagon. For most people here, getting that amount of house loan is not ambitious at all—it is perfectly normal.

So,okay…I am convinced.

But doing the painting by ourselves?

That’s AMBITIOUS!

Of course, we didn’t know that. We thought, painting a house shouldn’t be so different from having a walk in the park. Hah! A walk in the park my ass! I haven’t done anything more exhausting than this. I have climbed the Simatai Great Wall in Beijing—hiked for more than 5 hours under the heat of the summer sun. It was a tough hike but painting topped that very difficult physical task.

Do you know that my I am aching from head to toe?!?

And my fingers—they feel like they grew twice their size overnight. My wedding ring feels so tight that I took it off. I will not wear it until I can’t feel the pain on my delicate fingers anymore—my poor fingers! They feel so swollen even if they look perfectly normal. I don’t mind the mess but the pain makes me wish that we had the painting done by professionals instead.

But then again, it is fun. So, maybe, it is okay that we decided to do it by ourselves.  I believe that if you work on something, you’ll value that particular thing more and that’s how I feel about this house—it is already very dear to me.  After painting a wall, I look at it and feel like a kindergarten kid who’s got three colorful stickers for her “art”. No matter how uneven the painting job I did looks like, I am proud so I think you’d understand why I wouldn’t let you repaint the walls and ceilings I painted.

It is a tough job, true, but there’s a consolation and for me that is the fact that you work twice as hard as me and that you are feeling the physical pain from manual work too.

So honestly speaking, I’d rather paint a house with you than to do the ironing alone.

Love you,
Schatzl

Dear Schatz,

This is my first time to write an open letter. Pardon my lack of subtleness   but I just have to mention that that means, even if this letter is addressed to only one person (and that is you), it can be read by anybody.

I should’ve posted an entry on this blog long time ago but I was not able to do it and for that I have to blame my new job and how it is taking up most of my time. Before I got that job, I have so much time on my hand. Now, I already forgot how it feels like to be not rushing all the time.  But anyway, enough about me and my new job because it’s you I like to talk about right now.

I probably haven’t said it enough but you are really the best thing that ever happened to me. I remembered once when I told you that, you looked at me then you blurted out, “I am not a thing!” Well you see… it’s the way we say it in English (or at least in Filipino English). The “thing” there doesn’t mean an “object” but more like a “circumstance”.  I knew you were just kidding when you blurted that out but still, I felt the need to explain. I suppose that’s the teacher in me.

I know you like to make fun of languages as you so often pretend to talk to me in Filipino. For example you’ll say something like “talakmakatakulatukakmatikalpakamalakatamunatiwa” and then bet that there’s a word there somewhere that has a real meaning in Filipino. You said, the Filipino language uses a lot of “a” so it shouldn’t be difficult to learn it. Last time we check, you just know 50 Filipino words with their meanings. After three years of being together, I think you could’ve learn more. You still have my respect though because… well, considering that I am not really teaching you how to speak my language, you were still able to catch and memorize some words from our short trips in my country. You also pretend to speak Chinese sometimes and that is especially funny because you while you do so, you also try to make your eyes smaller and the effect on your handsome face is just hilariously ugly. And what about that very famous Italian song you always sing but instead of using the real song lyrics, you use the names of different pizzas and pastas and other Italian dishes….ha! That always makes me laugh.

You are funny and I really like that about you.

Of course there are also other things I like and love about you but I can’t say it all in one letter. Pardon my lack of subtleness again but that means that from now on, I’ll be writing letters to you on a regular basis on this blog. I know how unoriginal that is but lately, I am finding it easier to write when I pretend that I am just talking to somebody.  Imagine, I started writing this letter about 15 minutes ago and now I am almost done. It usually takes me an hour (at least) to think and to write a post (and that is not to say that it is a particularly great post) for this blog so I feel glad that I am about to hit the publish button after a few minutes of typing.

I don’t know if you visit my blogs regularly. I don’t blame you if you don’t because you probably can’t anyway. With your busy schedule and the number of blogs I have, I’d be surprise if you can keep track of all all of them.  But I’m sure you’ll find this particular blog (without me telling you) and when you finally do, please don’t be mad that others get to read your letter(s) first, ok?

I love you.

Bussi,
Schatzl

As you might have noticed, I changed the theme of this blog. I’ve been using the old one for about a year and a half and I thought that this blog could use a face lift. The project of installing a new theme entailed digging in to our wedding pictures. I needed to look for photos I can use for the rotating images on the sidebar.  While doing so, I couldn’t help but walk along the memory lane and mull over  everything that happened on that special day. After looking at our wedding pictures, I listened to our wedding song and I thought of sharing it with you.

It is in German. Back then, I didn’t really understand it but I fell in love with the melody right away. After listening to the translation from my, then, fiancé, I thought it fits to what we feel for each other. We both like the song and the lyrics so we sort of had an understanding that this song will be “our song”.

It was played on our wedding day right after the “you may kiss the bride” moment.

Two years later, I can understand the song perfectly and although there are a lot of translations on the internet, I made my own. The words might sound silly and awkward in the English translation (because we don’t say things like that in English) but trust me, they’re wonderful in German.

DAS BESTE by Silbermond

It’s a Sunday today and as usual my monumental laundry is already taking their sweet time in the washer and the dryer. I’m already done with my grocery errand and just had a sorbet for lunch. I am not feeling well today. I have not been feeling good lately… I feel nauseous in the morning… I feel like I want to throw up every now and then… and I am always cranky with a little burst of dramatic mood most of the time. I BETTER NOT BE PREGNANT!

Today, I finally got the chance to sit down and browse on my favorite websites. And this is one of them. I love this website. This website and I had a history way back when I was still new in this country (USA). This website served as my outlet to release stress and to keep my sanity intact.

Like Vienna, I am also in an interracial marriage. Vienna and I have common denominators that made us virtual sisters that we are, a relationship so special that even if we have not met each other in person, we have a certain bond that drew us closer, virtually of course. Why not? We both married foreigners. I met her when she was still in China and from then on she became my sounding board. I was a whiner and a cry baby and Vienna patiently listened to all my whining.

I constantly whine because I was once one of those women she described who has difficulty in adjusting to a foreign land. It was a difficult transition for me despite the fact that I was very much aware of what to expect in this country and from my then Fiancé. Before I come here, I was all prepared… emotionally, physically and spiritually. But then I guess I didn’t prepare well enough or I must say… the reality is different from my expectations.

I met my American husband online and got married. And just like any other interracial marriages, mine is no extra-ordinary. I thought it would be easy.

I had a better life in the Philippines… I don’t do many chores and spend more time in the spa having a body scrub than scrubbing floors. I don’t cook my meals and spend more time [and money] dining out or dining at a friend’s place. And I don’t even have to worry to get my well-manicured fingers dirty sweeping the floor or working in my garden because there is always someone who does the dirty work for me.

Coming here… I thought would be easy. I had to do chores and have never been in the spa since I came here. And yes, I scrub floors. I had to cook meals but hubby would treat me to a Chinese every Friday night. My fingernails are now short and un-manicured because I need to do the dishes… and help hubby rake the yard [fall], shovel snow [winter], weed the vegetable garden [spring], and gold pan [summer].

Living here… I thought would be easy. Oh well, I survived 4 seasons and I am used to Maine winter now. My life here is an endless struggle and unending discovery of new things that constantly fascinate me if not surprise me. Having a great life in the Philippines is indeed a blessing I will forever be thankful for. And living a different life here in Maine is a blessing that opened up my eyes to appreciate the best things I had, cherish them and forever be grateful.

I don’t say that I am disappointed with my life here. Maybe, I was more disappointed with myself for being such a baby. My husband did not promise me the moon and the stars when we first met and I had to admit he practically explained to me everything what I should expect from him. He was honest from the very start. He did not claim that he is a rich guy but a poor carpenter who just wanted to start a life with me and to grow old with.

Being in an interracial marriage was not that easy, I had to admit… but just what Vienna said… the love we have for each other made every struggle easier and worth-living for.

I was watching a TV program some days ago and it was about people who are in search for partners. One of the candidates is a restaurateur who is once married to a Southeast Asian woman. When the TV host asked him what ended his first marriage he said it was because his ex-wife didn’t like it in Austria and that living in Austria turned out to be contrary to what she had imagined.

Not once did I hear about something like that and it is just sad.

Being in a relationship with someone whose cultures and traditions are different from yours is already difficult and for some it could be too much to take if it is topped with the difficulties of adjusting to a new country.

Knowing my husband long enough before we moved in his country helped a lot because I didn’t have to take both at once. I’ve first gotten used to the fact that our cultures are different before I have to face adjusting to living in his country. When we moved here in Austria, I didn’t have to worry about whether we’ll get along or not because I already know that we get along well and that he is how he is wherever he is (China, Philippines, Austria) so I can focus on adjusting to living here.

Is it easy?

Well I guess it depends on what kind of person you are and what goals you have.

There are some who thinks that living in the rich countries is like living in the land of milk and honey. Normally, these are the ones who marry rich guys (or so they think). A woman of this kind will surely have the shock of her life when she arrives in her partner’s country and find out that he is, well…. not rich. I think adjusting will surely be difficult for her.

There are some who just take it all. A woman of this kind will do anything to be able to leave her country even if it means marrying somebody she doesn’t love. She is normally the one who, upon arriving to her partner’s country, will take anything—a lousy job and even an abusive husband. I think adjusting is not a question to her because she’s determined to be there.

And there are some who are like me.

I am here because I am in love. That can’t be cornier than it is already but it’s true. I know I can live anywhere just as long as I am with my husband. He is my home.

And because we decided that is it best for us to settle in Austria, I want to have a normal life here. Learning the language and the way of living here could be stressful for people like me who take it seriously. I want to know the city, to get along with people, to get a decent job, to have some friends, to be able to function well in the society, and to be a responsible resident (that is not to say that I’ll forget about being a Filipino, no no). I just want to be able to integrate and to feel comfortable living here. It is not easy specially the “getting a decent job” part. Failure of getting the jobs I want pulled me emotionally down at some point and there were some days I cried. On such days, my husband would lovingly pull me to lay close beside him on our tiny couch and would wipe my tears while reminding me that I have plenty of time so I don’t need to put pressure on myself, that there’s no pressure from him about me getting a job, that he’s always there and that everything will be alright.

I realized that I am not the only one who’s going through a difficult time. My husband took it upon himself to make me feel happy here and I can tell that whenever I am feeling sad, he feels twice as sad. So whenever I start to pity myself, I think of him and all the things he needs to do for me like sending me to language schools, sending me to a driving school, accompanying me to appointments, driving me to places, ordering in restaurants for me, translating what was said to me, teaching me and showing me things new to me, etc. It is pretty much like raising a helpless baby. And not once did he complain about doing all these.

Life would have been a little less hard if we were of the same nationality and were living in “our” country but it is not like that and that is why marriages like ours are special because there are things like “integration” that we have to think about and for such, we have to exert some extra effort.

So is it difficult adjusting to living in his country?

For me, it was but I am now doing well because I was not in it alone. My husband was there too.