culture « Bizarre Marriage

April 15, 2008

Taming a Sulking Filipina Part 2

Filed under: About Her, Asian Women, Cultural Differences — Tags: About Her, Asian Women, culture, filipina, filipina women, traits — Vienna @ 2:09 am

If you haven’t yet, I advice you to read the first part before reading this one.

Now, let me remind you, I am not a professional psychologist or an expert when it comes to relationships. I am merely expressing my opinions based on my own observations, experiences, and from what I gather from friends who are in the same situation.

Last time, I discussed about how to tame a sulking Filipina when they are acting up all weird and cold. This time, I will suggest the only option I can think of to win her back when all else have failed. Now, let’s make things clear. This is supposing that it is your fault, that she still loves you, and that the only reason why she is turning away from you is because she’s hurt and not because she doesn’t love you anymore. Clear?

Ok, supposing you have hurt her deeply and now she’s crying non-stop, ignoring you, refusing to talk to and to see you, or she’s leaving you. You tried everything you can to make things okay between the two of you but nothing worked. Then it’s time to for a “go-between”.

Ask somebody, preferably one or both of her parents to go in between. Why? Filipinas give so much regard to their parents; they respect and listen to them. The only way you can get to her is through them. This is one good reason why you should try to create a good relationship with you in-laws. You’ll never know when you need them for help such as this.

So, talk to her parents. Explain what happened and tell them that you tried every thing in your power to make things okay but you failed and you need their help. Tell them sincerely that you love their daughter (that you’ll go to the end of the earth with her etc… you know these kind of things… just don’t over do it). They’re more likely willing to help and it is more likely that it is going to work because she is more likely going to listen to her parents. (Like I can’t use “more likely” enough).

So that’s it.

I guess everything I am saying here only works if you have a real relationship with a Filipina. If you know each other and you know each other’s background. If you just know her and she’s acting up all primadonna-ish, moody, and bitchy then leave her! The Philippines is a home of lovely girls with great characteristics but we have lovely girls with no-so-great characteristics too so before you make yourself a slave to your dream Filipina, get to know her first.

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March 22, 2008

Why Can’t Filipina Women Say They’re Mad When They Are?

Filed under: Asian Women, Cultural Differences — Tags: Asian Women, character, culture, filipina, traits, women — Vienna @ 2:35 am

Filipina women are generally frank when they have something nice to say. Like when they like your new haircut or when they think you did a good job at something. They normally say what they think if it’s nothing negative. And when it comes to expressing criticisms or passing on bad news, given that these “must be expressed”, you can often expect that it will be said in a nice less shocking way. When they’re the ones in the receiving end, they also expect that things are conveyed to them gently.

Now what does that have to do with her indescribable attitude when she (a Filipina) is mad? If you have hurt her feelings, you can expect to receive a very “cold shoulder” or worse, a “silent treatment”? You can be sure to get a plain and cold “yes”, “no”, or “maybe” to every question you ask. If it is bad, she may not talk to or even look at you at all.

Why?

You see, Filipinas are taught not to talk back to their parents (the persons they love and respect), to their older siblings, to teachers and other people of authority otherwise they will be branded as “bastos” (rude, discourteous) or “walang modo” (uncouth, uneducated, ill-mannered). In Filipino culture, a child (at any age) talking back to her parents is completely unacceptable. When her parents scold her about something, she’s not supposed to reason out unless asked. In this case obviously the child cannot express herself through words. She can only let her parents know how she feels through “pagtatampo” (sulking—the nearest English equivalent). She will refuse to talk to anybody, refuse to eat, and other things that will alienate herself from the family. This is the reason why Filipinas are so indirect when it comes to saying they’re mad and when it comes to confronting you about why they are mad. Culture taught them this.

How do you deal with her when she is in “pagtatampo” mode?

Well, if you know a Filipino man… it’s best to get advice from him.

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