While my husband and I were in the car driving somewhere last weekend, we’ve been randomly talking about things and people we both know. I don’t like to go into too much details but our topic was European-Asian relationships. At some point, I asked him why he does not like to hang out with a certain European-Asian couple and here’s what he said.

Look, I don’t want to be in a league with guys who are married to Asians because they can’t get a decent European woman. I am not like that and I don’t like to be compared to them or to be associated with them in any way. I am married to a Filipina for the very honest reason that I fell in love with you, and not because I am a loser and can’t find a decent European woman.

That is of course very sweet of him but at the same time, harsh. Harsh not to me but to the couple we’ve been talking about (even if they were not there). But I understand where my husband is coming from. You see, some people can be really judgmental that they immediately think that there’s something wrong with a European guy married to a woman from a third world country. Things like…he’s probably just plain ugly, incredibly fat, awfully missing some teeth, too old and balding. Or if it’s not about his looks, it could be because of something else; he’s probably an alcoholic, a psychologically troubled person, a pervert, or a complete asshole that no European women can stand him. Things like that (and a lot more) are immediately linked to guys married to women from third world nations.

Now, can we blame these people when 90% of intercultural marriages fall exactly in their boxes?

I don’t know but here’s my personal take on this. If people look at us without cynicism, they’ll immediately see that my husband and I look, talk, think, and behave in a completely normal way. Without cynicism, they can immediately tell that we are together because of the most honest reason. But there will be always people who are judgmental and they can be really annoying sometimes but I don’t let them get to me and that is also what I tell my husband and friends who are in intercultural relationships.

When I was young, I never thought of marrying a foreigner. In fact I was scared of them and always thought that they have bad attitudes and bad smell (please forgive my ignorance).  I did not realize that I was wrong until I moved to Dubai to work there.  Working in Dubai gave me the chance to meet a lot of nice people from all over the world and this is how I met the man who took my breath way.

As a Filipina I always dreamt of having a better life at some point in the future. And since I grew up in the small town of Zamboanga City, I decided to leave my own country and try my luck outside the Philippines. Little did I know that this journey will take me to find the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Yes, our love story is not that different from any other couples. At the time we met, I was working in a hotel and D was in town for a business trip.  From the moment we set eyes on each other, we both hit it off and from then on, we knew that we do not want to be away from each other. However, we lived on two different continents—thousands of miles away from each other. It was a difficult situation but our distance was not a reason to keep us from loving each other so we continued our relationship while employing all kinds of technology to stay in touch with each other. We used chats, emails, long distance calls, texts (sms) and he visited me every three months.  At first it had worked okay but later on, we were not contented anymore with just talking on the phone, so we both decided to take our relationship to the next level. We got married and now, here I am here in Switzerland—in the arms of my loving husband.

Looking back, I can say that keeping a relationship with somebody who is of different nationality was not easy basically because we have different cultures and we needed to go through a lot of bureaucratic processes just to be together but the end result is worth it. D and I are together and happy. Of course we still have cultural differences and these things come up every now and them but our love to each other is more than enough to triumph over all of our differences.

It’s a Sunday today and as usual my monumental laundry is already taking their sweet time in the washer and the dryer. I’m already done with my grocery errand and just had a sorbet for lunch. I am not feeling well today. I have not been feeling good lately… I feel nauseous in the morning… I feel like I want to throw up every now and then… and I am always cranky with a little burst of dramatic mood most of the time. I BETTER NOT BE PREGNANT!

Today, I finally got the chance to sit down and browse on my favorite websites. And this is one of them. I love this website. This website and I had a history way back when I was still new in this country (USA). This website served as my outlet to release stress and to keep my sanity intact.

Like Myla, I am also in an interracial marriage. Myla and I have common denominators that made us virtual sisters that we are, a relationship so special that even if we have not met each other in person, we have a certain bond that drew us closer, virtually of course. Why not? We both married foreigners. I met her when she was still in China and from then on she became my sounding board. I was a whiner and a cry baby and Myla patiently listened to all my whining.

I constantly whine because I was once one of those women she described who has difficulty in adjusting to a foreign land. It was a difficult transition for me despite the fact that I was very much aware of what to expect in this country and from my then Fiancé. Before I come here, I was all prepared… emotionally, physically and spiritually. But then I guess I didn’t prepare well enough or I must say… the reality is different from my expectations.

I met my American husband online and got married. And just like any other interracial marriages, mine is no extra-ordinary. I thought it would be easy.

I had a better life in the Philippines… I don’t do many chores and spend more time in the spa having a body scrub than scrubbing floors. I don’t cook my meals and spend more time [and money] dining out or dining at a friend’s place. And I don’t even have to worry to get my well-manicured fingers dirty sweeping the floor or working in my garden because there is always someone who does the dirty work for me.

Coming here… I thought would be easy. I had to do chores and have never been in the spa since I came here. And yes, I scrub floors. I had to cook meals but hubby would treat me to a Chinese every Friday night. My fingernails are now short and un-manicured because I need to do the dishes… and help hubby rake the yard [fall], shovel snow [winter], weed the vegetable garden [spring], and gold pan [summer].

Living here… I thought would be easy. Oh well, I survived 4 seasons and I am used to Maine winter now. My life here is an endless struggle and unending discovery of new things that constantly fascinate me if not surprise me. Having a great life in the Philippines is indeed a blessing I will forever be thankful for. And living a different life here in Maine is a blessing that opened up my eyes to appreciate the best things I had, cherish them and forever be grateful.

I don’t say that I am disappointed with my life here. Maybe, I was more disappointed with myself for being such a baby. My husband did not promise me the moon and the stars when we first met and I had to admit he practically explained to me everything what I should expect from him. He was honest from the very start. He did not claim that he is a rich guy but a poor carpenter who just wanted to start a life with me and to grow old with.

Being in an interracial marriage was not that easy, I had to admit… but just what Myla said… the love we have for each other made every struggle easier and worth-living for.