If you haven’t yet, I advice you to read the first part before reading this one.

Now, let me remind you, I am not a professional psychologist or an expert when it comes to relationships. I am merely expressing my opinions based on my own observations, experiences, and from what I gather from friends who are in the same situation.

Last time, I discussed about how to tame a sulking Filipina when they are acting up all weird and cold. This time, I will suggest the only option I can think of to win her back when all else have failed. Now, let’s make things clear. This is supposing that it is your fault, that she still loves you, and that the only reason why she is turning away from you is because she’s hurt and not because she doesn’t love you anymore. Clear?

Ok, supposing you have hurt her deeply and now she’s crying non-stop, ignoring you, refusing to talk to and to see you, or she’s leaving you. You tried everything you can to make things okay between the two of you but nothing worked. Then it’s time to for a “go-between”.

Ask somebody, preferably one or both of her parents to go in between. Why? Filipinas give so much regard to their parents; they respect and listen to them. The only way you can get to her is through them. This is one good reason why you should try to create a good relationship with you in-laws. You’ll never know when you need them for help such as this.

So, talk to her parents. Explain what happened and tell them that you tried every thing in your power to make things okay but you failed and you need their help. Tell them sincerely that you love their daughter (that you’ll go to the end of the earth with her etc… you know these kind of things… just don’t over do it). They’re more likely willing to help and it is more likely that it is going to work because she is more likely going to listen to her parents. (Like I can’t use “more likely” enough).

So that’s it.

I guess everything I am saying here only works if you have a real relationship with a Filipina. If you know each other and you know each other’s background. If you just know her and she’s acting up all primadonna-ish, moody, and bitchy then leave her! The Philippines is a home of lovely girls with great characteristics but we have lovely girls with no-so-great characteristics too so before you make yourself a slave to your dream Filipina, get to know her first.

I got a comment in my other blog but that comment is intended for my previous entry in this blog, so I’ll address it here.

Here’s the comment:

I went to your Bizarre Marriage blog and identified so much with what you wrote. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get any of the links there to work so I’m back to Sol Latino writing about your revelations. It is really helpful to understand some of what happened but you’re absolutely right, once pagtatampo sets in, a herd of elephants could not get an angry Pinay to say anything. And I noticed that no matter what I said after that, it was taken in the wrong context, in fact, in the very worst light. As a typical male trying to solve the problem, I pushed for communication and angered her so much that I finally got a response. It was not a pleasant one. I saw my tiny, beautiful, sweet Pinay become possessed. She was harsh and rude and vicious and then hung up on me and was silent for days. Thank you for helping me understand that behavior that so puzzled me.

In my Mexican culture, we also look down on walang modo. In fact, a person can have little or no formal education, but if their social etiquette is poor, they are frowned upon. That seems to be changing now or maybe its changing with Mexican Americans who too often lack the manners which are part of our heritage. Anyway, thank you for these insights and please keep them coming.

All my Pinoy friends are gone, any chance you can get some advice on how to deal with pagtatampo .

First, let me express my apologies. This blog was acting up all weird last week and I honestly don’t know why. There must have been some problems with my web host. But anyway here’s what I have to say.

Unfortunately, I don’t have any Filipino guy friend around to ask about how they deal with their sweet pinays who are in a “tampo” mode so I’ll tell you something which is based on my own opinion. Now take note that because of individuality, this might not work with your beloved pinay.

If a Filipina is sulking then she really would like to be left alone so don’t bombard her with all your questions. If you noticed that she’s quiet, not talking, or acting cold and weird ask her one question: “What’s wrong?” If by any miracle she explains why she’s acting weird then you should thank all your saints because normally, the best answer you’ll get is “Nothing.” Now I understand that this will leave you in a very uncomfortable spot but be patient. Back in the Philippines we have a saying that goes something like “You can’t cool down a hot-headed person while being a hot-headed person yourself.” Patience is always the key. After hearing her cold answer, say something like “Alright, but I’m just here when you’re ready to talk.” After saying that, you should mean it. This is not a pass for you to have a boy’s night out—you’ll make her even madder. You let her be but stay around so she can feel that you’re really just there when she’s ready to talk. When you feel that things are easing up a little bit or she’s starting to warm up again, give her some “cariño”. I cannot exactly explain what that means but just to give you an idea… “cariño” could be a warm hug or a kiss on the forehead. You don’t have to have sex with her actually, don’t even try to have sex with her. This will only make things worse. Just be loving to her. If she cries, wipe her tears but don’t tell her to stop. Just let her cry while your arms are wrapped around her. You’ll see that after a good cry, she’ll be okay again. That would be the time to get her talk about what happened.

This is just to give you an idea on how to deal with her simple “tampo”. If it’s a major “tampo”, well that’s another story.

If by any chance you are a Filipina and you are reading this, you are welcome to add your suggestions, advices, and comments.

Filipina women are generally frank when they have something nice to say. Like when they like your new haircut or when they think you did a good job at something. They normally say what they think if it’s nothing negative. And when it comes to expressing criticisms or passing on bad news, given that these “must be expressed”, you can often expect that it will be said in a nice less shocking way. When they’re the ones in the receiving end, they also expect that things are conveyed to them gently.

Now what does that have to do with her indescribable attitude when she (a Filipina) is mad? If you have hurt her feelings, you can expect to receive a very “cold shoulder” or worse, a “silent treatment”? You can be sure to get a plain and cold “yes”, “no”, or “maybe” to every question you ask. If it is bad, she may not talk to or even look at you at all.

Why?

You see, Filipinas are taught not to talk back to their parents (the persons they love and respect), to their older siblings, to teachers and other people of authority otherwise they will be branded as “bastos” (rude, discourteous) or “walang modo” (uncouth, uneducated, ill-mannered). In Filipino culture, a child (at any age) talking back to her parents is completely unacceptable. When her parents scold her about something, she’s not supposed to reason out unless asked. In this case obviously the child cannot express herself through words. She can only let her parents know how she feels through “pagtatampo” (sulking—the nearest English equivalent). She will refuse to talk to anybody, refuse to eat, and other things that will alienate herself from the family. This is the reason why Filipinas are so indirect when it comes to saying they’re mad and when it comes to confronting you about why they are mad. Culture taught them this.

How do you deal with her when she is in “pagtatampo” mode?

Well, if you know a Filipino man… it’s best to get advice from him.

This is an interesting comment on an entry in my other blog

I take that he is saying that Asian women don’t express themselves well verbally and probably sexually too. The fact is it is true. A lot Asian women aren’t the most forward women on earth. You can’t expect an Asian women to tell you if she likes you as more than a friend or not. You have to find a way to find that out by yourself because she won’t tell you until she is sure you are crazy about her. Now, if these kind of Asian women make you (a western guy) nervous, just think that these women are probably twice as nervous as you because they’ll always doubt if they are taken seriously or not. I can’t say for sure but maybe these Asian women who want marriage before anything else would like to make sure that they are not on the losing side. That you are not the kind of western guy who came to Asia, had fun (with girls), then went home alone without looking back.

Although Asian’s views on sex and marriage are getting more and more modern, it is still behind to that of the West. A decent Asian woman don’t just have sex, she have to be in a relationship and it have to be a serious relationship. If an Asian woman would give herself to somebody then in the end did not marry that person, she will feel used. She will feel that she lost her face.

On the other hand, maybe there are some who would do anything to go out of their country.